Are quails Kenya’s next pyramid scheme?

                                    Quails

Let’s face it — every citizen of this country from the village loafer who depends on handouts, to the well-paid county rep, high court judge and senior politician lives beyond their means.

That’s why it’s not out of question for the village loafer to augment his non-existent income by pinching torn shoes, for the county rep to demand something small from widows, for the judge to ask peasants for a sack of millet to clear his eyes into determining a case before him or for a politician to demand payment to vote in a certain manner.

But while such income generating ventures are unlawful, which makes them ridiculously profitable, the law abiding Kenyan who lives beyond his or her means always tries to make an extra shilling the right way — and fails spectacularly.

You have the miserable soul whose wallet the pastor has pocketed, the other who invests in a pyramid scheme, the joker who dabbles in pata potea and all those mobile phone gambling, fake gold and mercury scams and worst of all that one who tries ‘investing’.

There is nothing wrong with investing really. The only problem with Kenyans is that we are so lazy that we consider sitting down and coming up with an original business venture too mentally taxing.

So a Kenyan is walking down the street, mumbling incoherently and flailing his arms in the air as he wonders how to raise fees in January when he hears someone say, “Imagine Baba Njoro makes a cool Sh5,000 from his matatu daily…”

Whopping

The broke fellow does the math and realizes Baba Njoro takes home a whopping Sh150,000 a month. Aha, that’s why Mama Njoro has chubby cheeks and a small pot, he muses. Before you can blink, he has raided the Sacco and bought a matatu at Sh450,000. What he never asks himself, however, is: If Baba Njoro is making so much money from his matatu, why the bloody hell is Mama Njoro nagging him to sell it?

That is precisely the question everyone going nuts about quails should ask. Suddenly the tiny bird is the biggest thing since sliced bread and everyone is dying to invest in quail farming.

From what I have heard, quail eggs have three times more nutritional value than chicken eggs. What’s more, quail eggs have magical medicinal qualities and can treat virtually almost every ailment under the sun.  Sample this from www.quailfarm.co.uk/index.php/quail-and-health:

“Experts in natural treatment methods claim that quail eggs have positive effects on people with stress problems, hypertension, digestive disturbance, gastric ulcer, liver problems, blood pressure and lipid control, migraine, asthma, anemia, various types of allergies, eczema, heart problems, bronchial illnesses, depression, and panic and anxiety illnesses.

“Quail eggs are also known to stimulate growth, increase sexual appetite, stimulate brain functions which improves intelligence quotient and generally rejuvenates the body…”

Excellent, don’t you think? But before you sell your wives handbags and invest the money in quails, ask yourself, if these birds were as hot as we are being made to believe, if they had such superb medicinal qualities, why haven’t wazungu, who can be ruthlessly efficient, figured out a way of raising quail eggs by the tonne cheaply?