Agony as wife and mpango wa kando denounce a cheating man

As they say, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. We came to terms with this reality when a scandal involving a married regular patron of Kahawa Tungu and his mpango wa kando played out at our local.

The woman went berserk and began moving around with a panga threatening to castrate his mpango wa kando for allegedly lying to her and promising marriage, which he never fulfilled.

“How can this idiot do this to me? Huh! I must cut off his things for what he has done to me,” she threatened. After going in panic mode, we send a delegation of women to try calm down the furious woman.

Upon interrogating her, they discovered what was troubling her. “She is mad because her boyfriend’s wife is pregnant, yet he has been lying to her that they don’t even sleep together. And he was to leave his wife and marry her,” one of the women revealed.

At the time everyone in the neighbourhood was cowering in their houses for fear of coming face to face with the enraged women. The culprit was at the time trembling in one corner of Kahawa Tungu trying to look innocent. Patrons at Kahawa Tungu were astounded because the fellow was a respectable man, and having been caught up in such a scandal shocked them.

The women demanded to know why the man had lied to one of their own.

“You must be the world’s worst liar, how can you tell such lies to a woman,” one of them angrily asked.

“Women will believe anything,” he attempted to explained. “Very funny creatures, Kwani Zaituni (the man’s girlfriend) thinks when I get home from her place, I just read bedtime stories to my wife and that is all? She is a foolish woman,” he scoffed.

“Her naiveté notwithstanding, I think we have a problem, how can a grown woman like her fall for such a lie? Which man leaves his wife to marry a mpango wa kando? It serves her right,” announced yet another woman.

“Please, don’t let her chop off my things,” the man pleaded, as the wise men of Kahawa Tungu were working on a strategy to save the situation. The men decided that the woman would be disarmed and sat down at Kahawa Tungu, where all those involved in the love triangle would be summoned to rest the matter amicably.

After honouring her invitation, Zaituni came breathing fire and brimstone. And when she saw the object of her distress, she lunged at him. Were it not the timely intervention of the wise men of Kahawa Tungu, she would have attacked him—physically.

“This man has broken my heart by cheating on me with his wife. I demand justice. Allow me to castrate him!” Zaituni hissed. The fellow simply claimed that though he knew and loved Zaituni, almost as much as he loved his wife, he was not aware that his wife was pregnant. The statement added a twist to the scandal, making people to suspect his wife was also cheating on him.

The old men read the man the riot act and told him to forget about the mpango wa kando and concentrate on his wife.

And in an interesting turn of events, both his wife and mpango wa kando denounced him and vowed to ‘starve’ him—by denying him the other food—to death. The two-timing man’s fate now hangs in the balance.