Miraa fanatics send way mzungu in style

Nothing irritates people who like chewing miraa (khat) than interference that makes them stop enjoying the twigs. They refer to that kind of interference as tafash, which loosely translates to ‘bother’. A miraa fanatic will do anything within his powers to avoid tafash of any nature, and ensure his fantasy is not interrupted.

Majani and Imu are great buddies who are united by their love for miraa. They are addicts of the green gold of Meru. When they visit Kahawa Tungu, they always sit by themselves next to the window. Their stay is characterized with minimal verbal communication that is punctuated with grunts, snorts and mumbles.

Someone observing them masticate the twigs would be forgiven for confusing them for goats in a chewing competition.

Their interest is always aroused whenever a beautiful woman passes by. And you can always tell the degree of her beauty by just keenly listening to how loud and ‘painful’ they scream.

“Doooodo!” Majani would scream, as his eyes escort the passing woman all the way to the end of the road. “Ehhhhhish,” his friend would respond, as his eyes rolled back into his head, with lustful desire.

 Ogling at well-rounded bottoms and analysing them as they sip their Kahawa Tungu is all these two do. Interestingly, they never approach these women. They enjoy ogling at women passing by so much so that they are nicknamed toothless dogs.

Their dislike for tafash was once laid bare when they rudely send away a mzungu (white man) who had approached them to participate in a small social experiment he was carrying out at Kahawa Tungu. 

The mzungu was welcome by the rest of the patrons and began asking them questions. But when they got to the two at the corner of the café, they became impatient with the mzungu’s many questions.

He ambled close to them and offered to buy them a round. But as he began firing endless questions in their direction, they went mute on him and gave him a cold look. The mzungu, in his attempt to be friendly, tried to have a test of the twigs they were chewing.

Unfortunately, he found the twigs tasteless and spat them out in disgust. The expression did not go down well with the two miraa fanatics.

They completely ignored his questions. Imu dug deep into his pocket, fetched a piece of gum, bit off the edges and began chewing it together with the miraa. The mzungu found it interesting and enquired to know why they had to combine the miraa and the chewing gum.

Angry Imu stuffed the twigs in his mouth, chewed them and formed a ball-like bulge in his cheek before sending away the mzungu  in style. He casually began: “This is handas (while pointing at the bulge in his cheek), this is Karafuu (cloves), this is chewing gum and you, Sir, are tafash!” he said, as he pointed away urging him to get lost.

The mzungu’s attempt to know what tafash meant was futile, as he was promptly told he was an inconvenience and not wanted anymore.