10 sins Kenyans commit during Easter

Easter is the most sacred holiday on the Christian calendar as it celebrates the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, the most famous person ever to emerge from Nazareth.

Easter is more important than Christmas - although nusu-nusu Christians out for a night of debauchery don’t look at it that way. Neither do the same nusu-nusu Christians look at Easter as the period Christ was whipped with nyahunyo by Roman centurions who nailed Him on some mbao until he died. Here are 10 sins Kenyans commit over Easter instead of honouring the Son of Man:

1. Drinking second term fees

A few people have the presence of mind to save for term-two school fees for their brats. But come Easter, in a bid to look generous and wealthy, Baba Junior dips his fingers into the cookie jar, grabbing enough to booze.

The wife will be forced to take a chama loan to clear Junior’s fees at Brainbox Academy. If she dares complain, hubby will remind her that she also chewed part of the money during Easter.

2. Ungodly gluttony

Kenyans are generally greedy and hardly eat to satiate hunger, but to finish whatever is on the sinia, resulting in bloated stomachs. Such bad habits will be evident over Easter when a family feasts on chapati and chicken stew as the Baengele watchie at the gate sniffs at the aroma.

3. Selfies with orphans

Many Christians over Easter visit children’s homes to offload their guilt of good living in a cruel world. They will donate a few bags of rice and posho while taking hundreds of selfies with orphaned children.

If you want to feed the hungry, do so, but taking pictures and uploading them on Facebook and Instagram is feeding your ego!

4. Chasing dusty village girls

Nairobi folks will flock the villages, but hardly spend time with their old folk, instead, they chase pararad village lasses who smear petroleum jelly while sporting bathroom slippers, or drinking in seedy township shebeens,. Before they know it, Easter would be over!

5. Clearing cucu’s granary

Parents load their jalopies with cereals, bananas, chicken and other foodstuff as they return to the city, but isn’t it ironical that we leave cucu with Sh2,000 but take foodstuff worth Sh15,000 when leaving shagz?

6. Snubbing Jeso Kristo

It’s funny that atheists, agnostics and other heretics are the ones who push for Easter breaks for ‘God-fearing’ Christians who hardly attend mass the whole of Easter.

7. Mpango wa kando

A man will lie to mama watoto that ‘work is tight’ and hence the bossy boss has refused any Easter breaks, but he will then spend the entire day with his side dish at her bedsitter in Embakasi that he pays for, only coming home late in the night, very tired.

8. Surgery of the scrotum

When Kenyans don’t want to get back to the office after Easter, they concoct a string of lies about their state of health: “Boss, I just had surgery of the scrotum...na sija pona!”

9. Satanic road speeds

Unless you have lost a loved one through an accident caused by a drunk driver, you can’t appreciate the pain. Kenyans take pride in their drunk driving, loudly exclaiming, “Jana nilikunywa, I even don’t know how I drove from Bikini’s Bar to Buruburu!”

10. Kitu kidogo ya pasaka

A ‘God-fearing’ Christian will spend Sh4,000 in one liquor session, but dish out a measly Sh100 in Sh20 coins as sadaka during pasaka!