We didn't 'Koffi', or kick women like Olomide

 Gentlemen are not the lout who kick and beat women publicly or behind closed doors. Photo: Courtesy

Nicholas Ambala, an old friend and gentlemen in the class of veteran actor Raymond Ofula, took me to Jericho Lumumba after 20 years to watch Jericho All Stars where he’s the patron.

That trip last week was a great reminder of my childhood days when we were taught the definition of being a gentleman while growing up as a spillover of colonialism.

A gentleman is defined as “a man of calm demeanor, strong preserve, intellectual thinking, polite, yet of meaningful speak and good upbringing. A fighter for the cause of right with words, not physical”.

 Most of the acts of being a gentleman usually are mainly associated with security cautions. What happened to men opening doors to women when getting out of a restaurant, or entering a car? Walking on her side that protects her from attack?

Gentlemen treat women with respect. Just why there was no killing of women and children during war time. So it really pains me when I see a man raising his hand or leg like musician Koffi Olomide did in Nairobi recently and kicked one of his female dancers in public. I know there are many men whose brand of male chauvinism is such that they believe a true man can’t be told anything by a woman. But by thumping their chests to show other men how tough they are is manifest nonsense.

The first chapter in understanding a woman begins with lessons on hormonal changes. If men went through what women go through every month, I can assure you, 90 per cent of them would be permanently in the ICU or the High Dependency Unit. For illustrations, just watch a woman giving birth and you will never disrespect women in your life. When men thump their chests in bars arguing that women are this and that, I ask them to wait till they get sick to know the value of a wife or mother. And why do these men not go to India with their drinking friends when flying out for ‘medical tourism’? I have never even witnessed one Kenya being accompanied to India by a brother. It is always the mother, sister, or wife. Reason is that by then the man is like a small baby and will need to be washed, fed and wiped and underwear changed. 

I agree that sometimes it’s difficult to understand and control women, but since we can’t live without them, the best thing is to respect them. Indeed, when I have a drink with my age mates, who are married, most agree that they respect their wives with majority of them excusing themselves to go home via issuing statements like “Mama ni mkali.”

They have been there, done that, and learned reasons for respect for their wives. So, let me break the hearts of women who crawl after fellow women’s husbands by telling them that only a foolish man will leave his wife for them. If he promises to promote you from ‘nyumba ndogo’ to a co-wife, then ask him to introduce you to his first wife. If he does not, then just know that buying you an engagement ring is just part of the cost of you entertaining his loins.

A man like that isn’t a gentleman and neither is the lout who kicks and beats women publicly or behind closed doors.