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If you have noticed, there is a lot of bottled anger that makes Kenyans behave badly. A minor traffic accident will escalate to a full-blown war with each party busy on their phones trying to call ‘my friend the OCPD.’
An argument with Mama Watoto will lead to a three month ‘bubu game’ and ‘no sex’ living arrangement. A beer spilled unintentionally by a tipsy pal in the bar leads to everyone drawing their guns. Why are Kenyans so garrulous? Why the bottled anger?
1. Good things happen to bad people
The useless guy in campus, the one who barely managed to graduate is now driving a 2015 VX and lives in Loresho. You, who graduated Cum Laude, is a Production Manager, at a safety pin manufacturing company. That’s reason enough to get angry at life.
2. Keeping up with the Odhiambos Your sister, who wasn’t serious in school, and isn’t even half as beautiful, married a filthy rich Odiero with whom she’s lazing in the South of France.
Meanwhile, holiday to you is sitting at home, watching ‘series’. Her kids attend a school whose fee reads like a kidney transplant bill as yours learn in an ‘academy’ in the hood with a French name but no French classes on the time table. Your sister’s hubby calls her sweetie , yours calls you ‘Weee!...nani!’
3. ‘Out of money experience’ No matter how hard you pray, and how long you fast, you seem to perennially experience an ‘out of money experience.’ Even when you decide to skip lunch, save on airtime, and move to a cheaper house, money never seems enough. You get so bitter that if your friend buys a new car, you will jealously say, “Hawa ndio wamekula pesa ya Devolution...”
4. Conjugal fights Married people are some of the angriest souls around. Husband claims to be broke but snooping through his phone, you realise he sent another woman loot by Mpesa. Wife constantly claims she has a headache but will go for a seminar with her male colleague and come back glowing...
5. Unruly brats at home Your son who was an altar boy in primary, and even scored straight As in KCSE suddenly gets expelled from school. He is also too big to be caned and your daughter, whom all along you believed could play Virgin Mary, has been put in the family way by the hottest but illiterate makanga in the hood, yet she threatens suicide ‘kama sitaishi na Mike!’
6. Lost ‘dragon’ Losing libido and being broke at the same time and yet bitter Chinese herbal medicine don’t seem to revive stuff means you have every right to be angry at the world for inability to ‘unleash the Dragon’...And you have no idea who ‘gave you’ the kaswende!
7. Wife more loaded than a gun When a man loses his status as the breadwinner, then the wife can transfer kids to expensive schools, and plan family holidays without your input. Your jalopy will break down and you have to hike a lift from the Mrs...and that’s enough to shoot up your blood pressure!
8. Siasa Mbaya, hasira mbaya You have a right to be angry when politicians are screwing up our mother land right, left and centre and little common good seems to be coming in the way of the common mwenye nchi. Kenya’s poor economic situation means there is no money in the face of escalating bank interest rates on loans and mortgages yet the corrupt seem to be having the time of their lives.
9. The big bad boss Having a nasty boss-whom you pray will burn in the hottest part of hell- is the worst thing about being employed. No wonder many salaried characters are perpetually angry and drinking too much and not necessarily because of that suffocating Sacco loan or that the company is ‘downsizing!’
10. Conniving mpango wa kando The mpango wa kando is paged and threatening to call the long-suffering wife all the time... and this after you bought her a car and a house!
