Traffic cops to start paying house helps Sh50,000 a month, urge Kenyans to follow suit

Following a call by Former Prime Minister Raila Odinga’s daughter Winnie Odinga, urging Kenyans to pay their house helps better, traffic police officers have heeded the plea.

Speaking through their representative, the cops said it was unfair for them to be making millions of shillings a month while their house helps only take home peanuts. The cops have committed themselves to put a smile on their maids face and urged other Kenyans to work hard like them and pay their domestic workers better.

If the promise comes to pass, house helps working for traffic police officers will earn a net pay in excess of Sh50,000.

“This will not only boost their morale, but it will reduce the income inequalities in this country... meaning there will be fewer ‘please call me’ texts ,” said the traffic police officers’ spokesman.

While signing an agreement with the domestic workers union, the traffic police spokesperson chided other Kenyans for being mean and urged them to follow their example and ensure house helps join the middle income ranks, not just in residence but in purchasing power.

Besides the salary increase, the traffic police officers have also offered to pay for training that will help their domestic workers navigate the sudden change in financial circumstances.

“We will not only have them counseled on how to handle the culture shock of sudden wealth,” said the spokesman, “but we will also have them schooled on ways of avoiding con artists and Kamiti swindlers.”

Husbands and boyfriends of these house helps will also be offered tips, other than drinking themselves silly, on how to cope with a woman who earns way more than they do.

Poor-paying jobs

The signing of the agreement comes amidst revelations that traffic police officers in Kenya are some of the best paid workers in East and Central Africa. The whole country gawked in awe when it emerged that the fellows who keep flagging down their cars and whom they have been looking down upon are wealthier than most politicians and certainly not as indebted.

The efficiency of traffic police in ‘revenue collection’ has also increased calls for the Kenya Revenue Authority to fire its current staff for failing to reach revenue targets and hire traffic police officers instead since they have a tested and proven ability to attain set targets at all times.

A leading mobile telecommunications company is also understood to be planning to name one of their tariffs after the traffic police officers as recognition for their active and loyal use of their mobile money transfer service. Land prices near police roadblocks and checkpoints have also risen as investors scramble to buy plots in order to put up money transfer kiosks since there’s ready high volume business.

Meanwhile, in a related development, a traffic police recruitment exercise degenerated into chaos after too many applicants showed up. This was attributed to the seeming lucrativeness of the career. “It has become the most sought after job now... you will be heckled and beaten by kids if you dare tell them to work hard and qualify for such old-fashioned poorly paying careers as engineering, medicine or law!” said one teacher who is nursing a bruise.

It’s so lucrative that some legislators are planning on quitting to join the traffic police department! “And the good thing is that you can get to keep all that money you make without paying a single cent in tax,” confessed a current MP considering the switch. “Plus there is no longer the bother of dirty peasants who you represent coming to seek financial help after their cow falls sick or their wife runs away!”