Why do Kenyans like praising, lying about the dead at funerals?

Death is a bad thing to wish on anybody. Only a diabolical person with a hard rock where his heart is supposed to be would honestly hope for someone else to die.

Once in a while however, we lose our temper and wish that some asteroid would make a landing on somebody’s head. That somebody could be the student who has refused to pay back your money, or the lecturer who made you graduate with lower honours.

I have lived to bury two of my lecturers. Both of them were very mean with marks. But one of them was meaner than the other.

Sang praises

He would not show up for half his classes during the semester, then set for you a very hard test on a topic he did not cover in class. I loathed him.

We all loathed him, except CU peeps who love their neighbours more than they love themselves. Yet when he died, students who disliked him sang his praises.

At his wake, other lecturers spoke of how good a companion he was during his lifetime. Everyone used words like ‘jovial’, ‘well balanced’ and ‘dedicated’ among others to describe him.

Funny thing

Basically, the lies people tell about the dead during their burial. The man was not well balanced. He died on the road home after binging at the local.

He was not jovial. He made us cry when CAT results came back. That is sadism. His dedication could be measured in the 4 out of 13 classes he attended.

Another funny thing is how people begin to quote you when you are gone to be with the Lord. Perry the Band said it and I reiterate “funny when you are dead how people start listening”.

Not even once did I hear anybody quote him while he still alive. During his wake, people added stuff. They put words in his mouth and said things that Mahatma Gandhi said.

I think it is disrespectful to the deceased when you lie about them over their dead bodies. I tried to feel bad that he passed on. I could not.

Does that make me such an evil son of a witch? Does that make me diabolical? If you gave me nothing good when you were alive, I sure will not find nice things to say about you when you are dead.

Lies peddled                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

I did not wish for him to die. I wanted him to be robbed, or mugged, or for him to lose something precious to him because he gave me a D grade. But I did not wish him death. I sat there at the wake, listening to lies being peddled around about this jovial, well balanced and dedicated professor.

All I could afford to say was “rest in peace”. It is not much, but it is what he deserved from me.