Mushy TV soaps have set the standard for love, romance

I never openly admit it but today I’ll let the cat out of the bag: I have a soft spot for soap operas (psst, don’t tell anyone).

In fact at one point in my life I was quite the soap opera addict, and so anything that was called a soap opera was my cup of tea.

In my younger years I watched all of them. Everything from No One but You, to The Rich Also Cry, to Lady of the Rose; to American soaps which don’t seem to air on television these days like The Bold and the Beautiful, Sunset Beach, The Young and the Restless and Days of our lives.

So I know all their bag of tricks mostly because I have watched the original soaps where all the story lines are all copied from, so much so that I like to think of myself as quite the aficionado of all things soaps.

As a result, today’s soap operas are child’s play because I can predict everything at first glance. And although I have not watched much of the Philippines soaps apart from the unnecessary crying scenes which usually cover 80 per cent of the time, it’s the same old same old.

CLEVER GIRLS

The starring woman is always an untouched innocent beauty (usually a virgin) and the lead man is usually a man of the world. Only beautiful people have it all and clever girls always falls in love with the rich boys.

Further, the key characters who were poor all become rich or in another twist are rich but do not know it until somewhere in the middle of the plot.

Dead people never really die - they always come back to life, baby-switches are very common, good old-fashioned affairs and memory loss also dominate, and for some reason the female characters always have perfectly made faces all the time, even when in a coma (another very common story line), and for some reason there is always some dastardly villain who is always plotting to end the love relationship between the two main characters (usually the best-looking couple).

TRIM TIGHT FIGURE        

Away from common themes that keep recurring in literally every soap, soaps have also taught me a thing or two, or spoilt me and other women for the dating scene in the real world.

I like to think of soaps as the land of beautiful men with beautiful bodies, and after watching Alejandro walking around shirtless - exposing his nice trim and tight figure which comes complete with a six pack - how again do you make sense of Mr One-cubed stomach or pot belly Tom?

Then when you see Alejandro making romantic gestures for the love of his life that would even make your grandmother blush, you can almost denounce dating in the real world because you will not get anything close to what Alejandro gives.

After watching Alejandro adding rose petals to his woman’s bath with scented candles, or giving her an expensive gift (on days that are not Valentine’s day, her birthday or Christmas), to preparing for his woman a candle-lit dinner, you will have no patience for a Nairobian who wants to take you out on a date at a bar so that he can also eat meat and watch football.

So unless you can recreate ‘Alejandro’ in the flesh or be something close to him, don’t waste your time. I am spoilt for life, and you can blame it all on soaps!