No Shave November: War on prostrate cancer on

Once again, it’s that month when men let their beards flow to raise awareness about cancer. Our people have always grown hair as a form of protest. Think Dedan Kimathi and his band of dreadlocked freedom fighters. Think Ngotho Kariuki, George Anyona, Dr Mukaru Ng’ang’a and others, who grew Marxist manes during the push for pluralism in Kenya.

However, the idea of growing a beard to raise awareness of cancer has never taken off in Kenya. In some instances, it has even landed some in trouble - like it recently did with Kamaley my cousin. Last weekend, he arrived at our nyama choma hangout, his cheeks overflowing with a glorious mane that could make a lion envious. We are not used to seeing him that way so it got us surprised.

"What’s that mandevu for?" My uncle bellowed at him, his eyes blazing. "Do you intend to take it to your in-laws for ruracio?" The room suddenly got quiet, save for Giceeri quarrelling with pots and knives in the kitchen.

"We are growing our beards to raise awareness about cancer," Kamaley said, stroking his chin slowly like a sage. Meanwhile, Uncle eyed him, clutching his razor-sharp machete. Gicheru, our resident cattle breeder, sat beside them, his kinky decades-old beard waving in the gentle breeze like maize tassels.

"Go on," Uncle urged Kamaley. Uncle will never interrupt you when making a fool of yourself. So Kamaley yapped on and on about why we ought to grow our beards since it's ‘No Shave November.’

"Now, because Gicheru has never shaved his beard, is it always November for him?" Uncle asked Kamaley. He had no answer to that so he just stroked his beard. Finally, Uncle handed Kamaley a folded fifty-bob note, instructing him to buy himself a razor, lest cops mistake him for a Mungiki adherent.

For the record, I have nothing against those brothers who let their manes flow over this month to create awareness about cancer. What I am against is the use of concepts from majuu that hardly achieve much of what they are intended to. Thus, I got excited when Gicheru made it his duty to teach us how to keep our nuts prostate cancer-free.

With a twinkle in his eyes, the old herbalist explained that men can avoid getting prostate cancer by avoiding mzungu food like the packed broiler chicken that Kamaley is always buying for his girlfriend. The second way, Gicheru averred, was by having one's plumbing getting regularly checked by a doctor.

Lastly, Gicheru added with a naughty wink that a man should keep his nuts empty to keep that disease away. The men around, despite most of them being clearly past baby-making age, cheered Gicheru for his folksy grasp of men’s health matters. Conversely, Kamaley cowered in a corner, unsuccessfully trying to hide his beard. Shortly, Gicheru’s table had drinks that could easily float a small boat.

"How about us who don’t have wives?" one skinny chap asked.

"It’s money that you lack, son. Not a wife," Gicheru answered him. Another celebratory cheer for Gicheru rents the air. That health talk by Gicheru beats 10 men wearing bushy manes in the name of ‘No Shave November’ hands down.

(njambigilbert@yahoo.com)