Men must learn that no means no

Men have been taught since birth that a woman's "NO!" is not a "NO." They have been led to believe it means, "convince me or be more insistent in your pursuit of me", and for that reason, women are stuck with a bunch of entitled men who were never introduced to the concept of rejection. They all believe they can get any woman they set their eyes upon if they try harder, not knowing how unattractive it is.

That belief is built from the archaic idea that women should play hard to get. That belief has brought upon more harm than good because men never listen when women say "NO!" Instead they pressure women and disrespect their boundaries, and eventually that old and tired belief turns these men who have never been taught to take "NO" for an answer into rapists, stalkers, and people who do not understand the concept of boundaries at all.

Years ago in a building I lived in, a man used to show up with flowers and wine every night to cry at a girl's door. She had rejected him and he thought if he tried harder, she would listen except he wasn't trying harder. She had drawn a boundary and he was harassing her. He was turned away on all occasions he showed up but he did not stop coming. The caretaker often had to throw him out and that was still not enough. The girl he was begging had to call the police for him to stop harassing her.

In clubs, this behaviour replicates itself in the same way. A man sets his eyes on a woman and even if she says she isn't interested a hundred times, he makes sure he will be in her space the whole night, bothering her. Many times women are forced to go home early to escape the harassment and the insults that drunk men usually have in store for those who reject them.

In intimate spaces that are supposed to be inhibited by people who have respect and care for one another, a woman's "NO" is still never heard. She will ask a man not to touch her but he will do it anyway. She will push his hand away and he will put it back, and unless she walks out, the pattern continues until she gives in to sex. This happens in road trips with friends and in confined places such as house parties and that is why almost every other woman has a story of the time she had sex she didn't want to have. Which is just a longer, softer, sentence that is used in the place of rape.

That sort of behaviour is unacceptable. It is okay to shoot your shot, but if it is ignored let it go. Sending messages six times per day is harassment stemming from entitlement and a lack of boundaries. Harassing women and stalking them is not a form of love. It is abusive behaviour whose only result is fear on the part of the victim.

On sex, men have to accept that women understand desire they same way they do. If a woman wants you, she will say it. The moment you pressurize someone who is insistently pushing you away into saying yes, you become a rapist. There's nothing like playing hard to get. It is simply an excuse abusive people use to get away with being stalkers and rapists.