Why women get dumped

By Nikko Tanui

I met a woman sobbing helplessly because she had been unceremoniously dumped and replaced by a new flame that was literally sprinted to the altar.

“What is wrong with me?” she wailed as her heavy make-up washed down her face.

But no matter how hard she cried, no one seemed to have an answer to her question because at least physically, she has Avril’s kind of body, minus the voice though.

Fired

Her case is not unique. There are thousands of women littered across the country who woke up one morning and discovered that the man of their dreams had left — with another woman.

Unbeknown to women, men often put them on all manner of ‘wife’ tests and those who don’t make the cut get fired. It is nothing personal, just business.

See, a man might not mind a woman who can only manage to boil water as long as she remains a girlfriend. But when it comes to picking a wife, a woman who knows how to cook and keep a house neat has a head start.

But today’s women think cooking and cleaning is against the Constitution. They don’t cook like their mothers but drink like their fathers.

Ironically, the same woman will turn around and expect a man to rise up to his manly duties such as paying bills, protect the family against armed robbers and snakes, take out the trash, mow the lawn and fix faulty plumbing.

Unfortunately, while women expect us to maintain our traditional man roles, they want nothing to do with what women have done since Eve.

Don’t even mention sex. The facts are that married men hardly bother because wives are always too busy, too tired, not in the mood, deep in some lond-drawn cold war whose cause is unclear. Hence mpango wa kando.

Of course we are aware that women have jobs, too. But that becomes insignificant when they won’t help pay the bills, won’t get pregnant. They won’t even lift a manicured finger to cook for a husband they imagine should be as romantic as that TV star who in real life has been divorced seven times.