Dear freshman, what to watch out when you get to campus

Dear freshman, I’m perched on a rickety chair in my airy campus room as I craft this dispatch to you. This place, as you’ll soon learn, owes you nothing — not even a degree. Nonetheless, as an older sibling with three years campus experience, I congratulate you for a high school education well ‘killed’. Slaying algebra and Chemistry Paper 3 is not like IEBC demonstrations. How have you been? Are your letters of admission ready? Did you bribe a doctor to fill up the medical bit in that form? That part about rules on examinations is paramount, re-read it.

If you are caught thieving exams, suspension is a whole year. And you graduate with a pass. Fridays will own a peppery feel of happiness hooked in the air. Bright posters will scream in invitation; freaky Friday. Let’s party till dawn! Parties are good, and alcohol better when you have money — not HELB, lest you burn your liver by gulping cheap liquor. Try not to stagger around at noon. You didn’t study CRE to litter campus with your drunken person. And ooh! I remembered something, you’ve heard of house parties? Take caution when you attend one, especially you little sister. Men in campus are a lustful lot. If spiking your drink will have you suspend chastity, they’ll do so.