Men are like junk food

By Shirley Genga

They say going on a detox radically cleanses your body, ridding it of harmful toxins and pollutants and leaving you more energised and healthier.

Fortunately, it involves avoiding junk food, which, like men, brings fleeting happiness and a lifetime of pain.

Yes, men are like junk food. You can nibble on them endlessly, but like a huge plate of chips, they leave you feeling terrible and guilty when you are finished.

There are moments in my life when I have seriously considered that just maybe, men are not only bad for my health but for my peace of mind. One such occasion was when I found myself in some dingy and smoky estate pub sipping soda on a beautiful Saturday afternoon.

I was watching football with my boyfriend and his hooligan-like friends. All this dedication on my part, yet I neither like nor a give a hoot about anything related to football. What is so fascinating about watching the movement of a ball from one person to the next for a bum-numbing 90 minutes?

But there I was, cheering enthusiastically as if I actually cared. I wondered to myself how in heaven’s name I had ended up where I was and the only reason I could conjure up was, "a man made me" — yet I could never drag him to a netball match.

Heartache

It could be extreme to cast men as harmful toxins that take everything a woman has to offer and only give back heartache. Men can be quite useful when you need to drag a sofa up three flights of stairs. But in all honesty, they sometimes become too much and women need to ‘he-tox’ them out of the system.

After all, men ‘she-tox’ on a daily basis. They seem to tune out women when it suits them — often when she wonders where the relationship is headed and always during soccer matches.

So if you are tired of waiting by the phone for him to call three hours after he said he would, or you have been dating for over two years and there is no ring in sight, or you seem to be attracting one loser after another, or the highlight of your day is stalking him on Facebook, then you probably need to go on a ‘he-tox’. Give it a week, two months or two years. It all depends on your needs.

If you look closely you will notice that single women are more focused and successful. She has no man causing her obsessing corrosive thoughts. She is not bothered about unrequited love or unmet expectations. She suffers no sleepless nights because a football match ended 48 hours later. She is simply happier and more at peace.

So if you find that fabulously dressed woman on a Saturday night at an expensive restaurant eating dinner alone, don’t pity her.

She is just one of the few women who are brave enough to keep off junk food.