Sirs, I am writing this open letter to you my esteemed
leaders as a citizen, a voter and most important as a person living with GAD. I
know you may not understand what GAD stand for as your background is in
political science and engineering respectively.
I understand you. I am a trained conservation biologist who
only came to understand this term when I turned into turned mental health advocate
a couple of years ago.
GAD is short for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, a type of
anxiety characterized by excessive, intrusive, persistent and disruptive worry
that becomes worse in times of stress.
Sirs, GAD is mentally and physically exhausting. It drains
my energy, interferes with sleep, and wears my body out. My physical and
emotional well-being and productivity as citizen is severely affected.
I am sure you’re wondering what this has to do with you.
Please allow me to explain. I know your schedules are tight at this point in
time, for very obvious reasons. So I will try to be brief and to the point.
Feeling nervous or worried about things from time to time is
a totally normal part of the human experience. However, excessive, ongoing
anxiety and worry that are difficult to control (like worrying about our
current political standoff) and interfere with day-to-day activities is what
defines GAD.
Sirs, people with GAD battle it every day and sometimes we
win and sometimes we lose. During this time of heightened political tension and
violence, I feel intense worry about my safety or that of my loved ones, and
feel a general sense that something bad is about to happen. It’s debilitating,
it’s tiring, and it’s exhausting.
Whenever I watch the news, my worry spikes. I don’t know
what will happen after 26th October just like all Kenyans but the level of my
worry and anxiety goes to another level. It stops me for thinking, from
concentrating at work and I am consumed by worry about my children’s future and
safety all day.
Sirs, please understand that for every little facet of
normal, daily tasks that you do with ease, for someone with GAD, doing those
tasks takes a monumental feat of strength and bravery.
Even on a fine day, we will see it as being strikingly
riddled with problems. We see the world differently, which is not always a bad
thing as we can be totally insightful. But it can also result in getting lost
in a mental whirlwind of what-ifs and worst case scenarios.
Sirs, I only want to make one very humble request. Think
about the dozens of your supports who are dying, maimed, laid off from work, losing
business, houses and cars.
Think about the millions of hardworking Kenyans who just
want peace so that they can go out and fend for their families. Remember the 12
million Kenyans with different mental health conditions, including myself,
which is getting exacerbated by the current toxic environment.
Sirs, I am a Kenya and live in this country. I know too well
that there are no quick fixes to the current problem we are experiencing. But a
commitment to easing tension in the country from both of you will go a long way
in alleviating my anxiety symptoms and that of millions of Kenyans going
through the same problem.
Since my condition is life long, I don’t mind if you are
going to take some hard decisions that could be painful in the short term if it
will address our perennial problems of election crisis every five years. I
would rather I deal with it now, albeit painfully, but rest assured that there
will be no other election crisis in this country.
The tension of 2013 was bad enough for me while 2007/2008
PEV was a total disaster in terms of my mental health. I lived with the
psychological consequences of PEV for almost a year that almost made me
withdraw from a post-graduate course I was talking at the time.
I would like to end my letter by saying this; I don't love
any part of living with GAD. I go to therapy, take drugs whenever necessary and
live positively to mitigate the damage anxiety does to my life.
I am not this way because I want to be. Living with GAD
means living permanently engrossed in worry and anxiety. I wish you could help
me manage the damage that political tension and violence causes to me. In
return, I promise to manage all other triggers of anxiety that are within my
control so that I can remain a healthy productive citizen of this great nation.
Respectfully,
Iregi Mwenja
GAD/ADHD Survivor
Mental health advocate