Kuria's crude profanities contain grains of truth of life under Kenya Kwanza

Trade CS Moses Kuria. [Wilberforce Okwiri, Standard] Moses Kiarie Kuria is in a class of his own. By class I don't infer social status; I mean a special category. When he represented my hometown of Gatundu, derisively known as "Uthamakistan" to connote its connections with the First Family, Kuria was among the few MPs who were voted unopposed countrywide. I always assumed this was due to Kuria's popularity - until he ran for Kiambu governorship last year, securing some 25,000 votes in a contest decisively won by Kimani Wamatangi with 350,000 votes. Kuria, as folks say where I come from, was leading from behind. He quickly conceded, which was a climbdown for someone renowned for having such a vicious tongue, I thought he would electoral protest the outcome for the rest of his life. Even more surprising, Kuria folded his little-known Chama Cha Kazi and joined United Democratic Alliance. Kuria has since gained national (in)famy as the spanking new Cabinet Secretary for Trade and Investments. He quickly upgraded his sartorial to step out in well-cut three-pieces, but it appears he quickly grew out of his breeches. Even after his spectacular failure in electoral politics, Kuria is in his element in the trenches, where he delivers salvos in that halting, raspy speech like someone who shouted themselves hoarse the previous night. His initial salvos were gentle, though pointed: he claimed Prezzo UK had lost touch with the "ground" when he revived his urbane and "polished" network of friends and schoolmates. Of course, Kuria would know who is polished because he's as coarse as they come, as manifest in his salty vocabulary. As the opposition plotted mass action to protest the rising cost of living, he wondered if the minions would rush to plant when a certain matriarch passes water. The assembled wananchi gasped in horror at the profanity. It was a sign of things to come. Kuria was soon off to Dubai, or Europe or the next destination where he was busy making or unmaking deals, representing and marketing the nation for direct foreign investment. And he was still in the well-cut suits that he adorns as a serious technocrat, although the pull towards the trenches never really left him. This week, in retaliation to days of being karangwad by the Press over some oil importation deals that were supposed to "bring down the cost of living," that famous leitmotif that Kenya Kwanza promised its supporters, Kuria's foul mouth went into overdrive. The reports claimed the contracts for the supply of food commodities made zero sense - besides undermining local production capacity and lining the pockets of a few tenderprenuers. Kuria fired his ire towards "nyinyi watu wa Nation." It is not clear if Kuria was targeting at the Nation's drivers, cleaners, cooks, accountants, marketers, reporters, editors, designers, or the shareholders. Be that as it may, Kuria warned any civil servant who advertised in the Nation would be sent home, before escalating the campaign online, tweeting his greetings from a "brothel" somewhere along Kimathi Street. We know the sort of business conducted in brothels does not include publishing, but one would never know with Kuria. He admitted to owning a media house and writing for local Press, so we should take his word for it. And now that Prezzo Bill Ruto aka Zakayo has rallied to Kuria's defence and his right to be heard, it's safe to say the profanities by Trade minister is official government policy. Kuria's vulgarity, after all, is an honest assessment of the crude life that Kenyans are going through, under an administration riding roughshod over the citizens, and are averse to accountability.

Kuria's crude profanities contain grains of truth of life under Kenya Kwanza

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Kuria's crude profanities contain grains of truth of life under Kenya Kwanza

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