Our social and relationships lives face a number of challenges; especially when a major decision is to be made.
The unspoken challenges could build or destroy an individual’s mental health, especially if not addressed or shared with people around us.
That is why The Standard rolled out a series under the monicker of Relationship Dilemma, to give our readers a platform to share the dilemmas they face in their day-day relationships, exchange ideas and crown it all with a social expert word.
On Wednesday, July 5, we published, on our Facebook page – Standard Digital – a relationship dilemma by a 23-year-old man whose girlfriend is seeing an older man in exchange for money and fancy gifts.
His message reads:
Hello Standard, I am Janiel, a 23-year-old university student in Nairobi.
Recently I discovered that my girlfriend of three years (since my First Year) is seeing an older man. Of late, she’s been wearing quite expensive clothes and even changed her mobile phone. She’s hardly available on weekends.
Every time I ask to spend time with her on weekends, she claims she’d planned to visit a relative. It’s either her aunt, uncle, cousin or sibling. One day she left her WhatsApp Web profile on my laptop. I saw her conversations with this man who appears to be in his 50s.
They’ve toured different parts of Kenya, including Diani and Nakuru. The two also shared pictures of the trips. I’m hurting as I have never cheated on her or imagined life without her. I don’t want to lose her that’s why I haven’t confronted her.
What should I do?
Sara Mwadime: What you should do is concentrate on your studies. You can’t serve two masters.
Anthony Ofundi: That thing is preparing you to be the strongest and wisest man ever. Make your own decisions. I can only advise that 'do not kill' nor commit suicide as it's the case for some departed comrades.
Mary Mbatia: Sorry, your girlfriend has been cheating on you and you are quite hurt. At 23 you are too young to understand what real love is. Concentrate on building yourself and take your studies seriously because that is what took you to university in the first place. Once these girls taste the money from the wababaz (sic) there is no stopping. Just let her be, it's good you have discovered who she is.
Gabriel Kituku Steves: Kijana, she's gone and gone for good. At just 23 you are getting hurt by a college girl? Come on man up boy and stop falling in love. Men don't fall in love, we grab opportunities when they come, the way they come.
Irene Muthoni: You went to the university to search for knowledge which liberates. This knowledge will help you scale infinite heights. Shun youthful lust and stay on course. Once through with your studies, you will pursue ladies.
Mengistu Makuei Chol: If you go further you might end up like the guy that was given a ride on a Benz by his girlfriend’s sponsor and he almost gave the guy his number when he was dropped.
Kirosh Opk: Comrade you are still young in reasoning. You hardly get a meaningful relationship at that stage in life. If it's there it's very rare, from experience redirect that form of energy to yourself you will never be disappointed.
John Patelle: Young man… Just concentrate on your studies for the moment and aim high. These ladies will always be there, don't make the same mistakes many of us did at your current age.
Stalin Kooli: How many times will you be told that at 23 your potential wife is still giving her teacher headache and ulcers in class 6? Just dump the lady before she officially dumps you.
Carol Oyugi: How many times will you be told that at 23 your potential wife is still giving her teacher headache and ulcers in class 6? Just dump the lady before she officially dumps you.
Dr Karatu Kiemo is a sociologist and lecturer at the University of Nairobi.
Hello Janiel and sorry for the hurt.
It is tempting to suggest that you leave her and move on with your life. But, she may not be taken. She may be in that temporary craziness where she wants to 'eat the world with a big spoon.'
Soon she may get the wisdom and be ready to settle with someone in her generation like you. Life is also a lot emotional.
Even if one may say that she has betrayed you, you are likely to forgive and get her back. I believe a lot of today's enviable couples were once un-expectable.
So many partners have histories of having multiple partners, abortions; and were forgiven.
So, focus on your studies and when you get a job, entertain yourself and in the process, she, or another one, will come into your life.
Of all things do not get angry with yourself and even if you get angry with her, do not get into a physical confrontation with her or her partner.
We can together reduce incidents of intimate partner violence. But you have every right to ask her questions and be ready to deal with the answers responsibly.
Meanwhile, if someone makes you unhappy, try to make someone else happy.