Heavens save us from this monkey business

The amount of craziness we have unleashed this week is simply mind-boggling.

First we have a Parliament that thinks affirmative action for women is optional. Worse still, our male MPs want to judge women using totally different standards they use to judge themselves.

One lawmaker said that a woman who has children by more than one man is not eligible to be an MP! I was shocked. I wondered, does the honourable MP forget that it takes two to tango? Does he forget that one can be pregnant at 19, marry at 26 and get divorced at 30 and just like that she has kids from different fathers?

The MP treats babies like a scarlet letter; forever marking the woman and letting the men go scot-free. These are the kind of leaders who catch a woman in adultery and forget to bring the man to Jesus too. As such, these are pharisees, the murderers of Jesus and the oppressors of the people in the name of moral rectitude.

At the same time, MPs who are meant to be making universal healthcare a reality are now pushing for better insurance for them and their spouses.

Universal health

The message here is clear: the MPs do not think nor intend for us to see universal health care in their terms. If they did, they would not be clamouring for better health insurance. For who indeed needs money to pay for something that is free?

Claiming that Sh540,000 in basic pay is too little money when entire villages gather to raise Sh50,000 to pay for hospital bills is monkey business par excellence. Never mind that their sitting allowance, per diem and other allowances easily overshadow their basic pay.

It is a flat out lie for any MP to claim that he is underpaid. This is taking the masses on a very bad ride. Not just because their pay is too much, but because they do not even deserve little pay! They are a bunch of idea-less and radar-less leaders whose only achievement so far is nothing but hot air.

Parliament is yet to perform any of its functions in a satisfactory manner. It has not investigated anything to a logical conclusion, it has not discussed any Bill that will change the lives of Kenyans for the better. It has not even passed any Bills that will make the Big 4 agenda real. Never mind that its cohesion committee is as dead as a dodo.

Parliament asking for a raise is like a cleaner sitting in pile of filth asking for a raise. Parliament should work first, before it can anoint itself with the oil of money.

Whenever there is debate in Parliament, 90 per cent of MPs go missing. Bills are consistently passed by the minority. Yet they dare discuss a pay rise!

What exactly are we paying them more for? I will tell you: we are paying for mediocrity, fanaticism and impunity. Any MP that votes for a pay rise before solving germane issues concerning the economy, food security and healthcare should know we will not vote for them again.

Academic fire

Meanwhile, we were busy celebrating successful completion of the examination period when the mood was sullied by two videos of young boys celebrating the end of the Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education by giving lurid remarks alongside what we used to call an “academic fire.”

They insulted two Cabinet secretaries and got themselves arrested. As many Kenyans celebrate the action, I wondered to myself whether we have all collectively lost our minds.

First we have so much monkey business in this country that these children were only applying what they saw our MPs, governors and presidential candidates do last year: hurling insults at each other.

Our leaders dished out such vitriol that I cannot find one statement that is printable to quote. In the case of the arrested boys, it was a simple case of monkey see monkey do.

Our monkey business as country is affecting our young people, pure and simple. Small wonder therefore that they insult elders as much as elders insult each other.

They want big salaries when they seek employment even though they plan to spend zero time working (just like our MPs). Our chickens dear Kenyans, have come home to roost.

It is at this point that I would like to sincerely ask, nay beg, our dear President to stop this monkey business. Let him do to these young ones as he did to Babu Owino - forgive them; they know not what they do.

In fact, let him silently invite the boys to State House, sit down with them and find out why they are acting the way they do. Their answers could help you correct the lives of many others who say the same things without being caught.

While at it Mr President, please tell our MPs to stop thinking with their stomachs. Ask them for once to use the same vigour and vim manifested in their push for fatter salaries to join you in the fight against corruption and implementing the Big Four agenda.

Maybe then we can stop this monkey business and get down to business.

Mr Bichachi is a communication consultant [email protected]