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I have been in a relationship for two years and I am getting somewhat concerned at the way things are going. I am 6 months older than my boyfriend and we are both 27. We don’t live together but spend weekends and lots of time together. The problem is that whenever we have sex, he always insists that I take the pill. He stands there and even casually inspects my mouth to make sure I swallow. I just found out that I am two months pregnant and he has become very nervous. He is incessantly asking me to have an abortion saying that he is not ready for a child now. We are going through a lot now especially with finances but I don’t think my conscience would live with an abortion. These days, it is all we talk about and he is really for this abortion. I love him very much but I don’t want to force a child on him on one hand but I am also sure I don’t want an abortion on the other. Please advise...
{Lucy}
WHAT THE READERS SAY
Lucy, you are not on the path to becoming a great mum. If he does not want to support you and the baby let him move on and deal with him at a later date. For now, concentrate on yourself and the unborn baby. If in doubt along the way just remember that a baby is a gift from God and that through him, you will not lack. Be strong, prayerful, and peaceful. You will find a man who will love you and your precious child.
{Arnet Mueni}
Say no to abortion and carry the pregnancy to full term. Abortion is likely to have many effects on you some of which may even be permanent. You will also have to live with a guilty conscience knowing that you killed an unborn child. Seek proper guidance and support from a health facility and remember to always practice safe sex. Using a condom will prevent unwanted pregnancies a well as protect you from other sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV.
{Onyango Outha}
All you need to do is tell him the truth and remain focused on keeping the baby. Move on towards your great future and destination. You should not live your life pleasing people left, right and centre. Get yourself together and move on if he does not want to be a part of this. Don’t do anything that your conscience is not comfortable with.
{Ouma Ragumo}
That is an irresponsible man who does not want to face the responsibilities that come with pleasure. Life is sacred and God given and therefore abortion should not be an option. He has shown that he will abandon you with your children so I am not sure if you want a good father to your children or a man who just wants the sweet things out of you
{Tasma Saka}
SIMON SAYS
Many times I wonder why and how things evolve and get to where they are and what good people do to deserve bad treatment. It is unacceptable, totally unacceptable for a man to engage his fiancée in unprotected sex then demand that they take the pill as they stand there watch and thereafter inspect the contents of their mouth to ascertain that the pill was actually swallowed. This is unacceptable and inhumane! If you are not prepared for the possible repercussions of unprotected sex then do not engage in unprotected sex – period! In many instances I don’t and may never understand how ladies allow men to do such things and let them get away with it.
He may not have been aware that continued and irregular use of emergency contraceptives increases the body’s resistance to them thus reducing their efficiency over time. Therefore, regardless of how many times he inspected to ensure you swallowed, this was bound to happen at some point. His greatest fears have come alive, he is as nervous as a long tailed cat and now just as always, he wants the easy and convenient way out. This is convenient because to him, his only involvement may only be meeting the cost which is quick and easy (considering the benefits to him). However, he does not seem in the least concerned about the repercussions of this on you.
Abortion is in the first instance illegal in Kenya and can only be carried out under the recommendations of a qualified medical practitioner. Apart from killing an already growing foetus, it is a difficult thing to go through emotionally and physically and its repercussions could haunt you for the rest of your life. This should not even be in the list of options. It is life threatening and unfair for him to compel you to consider it.
You seem to know what is right for you and that is what you should stand up for. Remember a baby is a blessing and is not comparable to a selfish boyfriend who only cares about his needs and pleasure. Follow your instinct and invite him to be a part of tea baby’s life if he wants to be a part of it. This is one of those times in your life when your interests and wellbeing comes first.
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