You don’t like my make up mister? I need several acres of land to faint on

Ladies who love makeup, gather your weapons we are going to war. Get those slings for we have Goliaths to fall. Get your bows and arrows. Go ahead buy a gun. Take that axe to the blacksmith for sharpening. If you're mad enough get sarin gas. Yes, put on the armour and let's go to war. Let the armour be your makeup. Let that weapon be your favourite lipstick, eye-shadow or highlighter.

This is mass action against that group of people who are against makeup and are loud and courageous enough to tell it in our faces, faces we invested time and money in making them look good.

Here is the problem, say you're going to a place x and you're thirty minutes late because daaah, you were fixing your makeup. On your way you meet with a person y who after greeting them they say, " Ngai! Sasa Wandia, nini hizo mnapakanga kwa uso." They say this in sheer disgust. It's like they've seen a rotting stinking something on that gorgeous face of yours.

Okay, someone give me a glass of water, in fact, give me a river, no, I think an ocean will be just fine. The thought of drowning you after quenching my thirst for murder is not far fetched. I also think I need several acres of land to faint on and later recuperate. Someone stop the sun because I'm taking all my time to explain what it is that I've applied on my face.

Before that, somebody, anybody, bring me a mirror because I think I applied cow-dung on my face or is it snail slime because it nauseates you so much. Christ! I think thick yellowish pus are oozing from my face! Noo! My lips are bleeding! I think I drunk cow's blood and forgot to wipe the evidence!

Look here you person y, I'm gonna use figures and illustrative diagrams to explain to you what it is that you're seeing on my face. Is this your first time? Because first times hurt the most. I will also give you graphical representations on the market prices depending on quality of the products I'm going to mention. Do you want to hear it?

How do I eat with all that lipstick on my lips? You want to know. I open my mouth, put the food in, chew and swallow. Sometimes the lipstick goes with the food. I also leave lipstick stains on cups. What will happen if I shed tears? Depending on the quality, my mascara streaks down my cheeks and I look like an actress from horror movies. You should also see the colour on the tissues I use to blot my face. In short, I leave a trail of colour in my wake.

Please, leave women alone and their makeup ways.If you don't like makeup, simply don't apply it on yourself , avoid it, go blind when you see me. Mind your own business as I plan to face my day ahead.