She refuses to kiss me

Ochieng’s Dilemma

I have been dating this girl for eight years since we were in high school. We love each other a lot but she has been behaving strangely lately.

She claims she still loves me but sometime ago, she just stopped kissing me. I try and do everything I can for her but she won’t even hold my hand or let me hold hers.

Whenever I ask her, she says that if I want it that bad, I can look for another girlfriend to do those things with. She, however, says she still loves me and wants to remain my girlfriend. I am thinking of giving up on this relationship. What should I do? I really love her.

The Counselor’s Say

Ochieng’, I don’t know how far you had gone or how deeply you were involved with her but just like the wise men said, if it looks like something is wrong, something probably is.

If she was doing all these things before then she suddenly stopped — something must have made her stop. The good thing with ladies is that they are not good at putting on shows. If she doesn’t like you, it will show.

Again, certain things mean certain things to ladies while men just take them for what they are. For example, you can casually hold a lady’s hand even if you have no intimate interest in her but to a lady, such an act will be taken to mean something.

Why won’t she kiss or let you hold her hand? You see, ladies are more expressive of their feelings. They express them through kissing, touching or by allowing you to kiss and touch them. Suddenly, she does not want to be kissed or held; this could only mean that she no longer has feelings for you or worse still, she could be involved with someone else.

Why do I say that? Show me a girlfriend who will encourage her boyfriend to date another girl for whatever reason and I will show you a girlfriend who is already cheating on her boyfriend.

She gave herself away when she said that you could get another girlfriend to do those things with. My thinking is that she is feeling guilty for cheating on you so she intends to push you to another girl after which she will accuse you of cheating — then you will be even.

You may try and talk to her to understand what is happening. Encourage her to be open and honest but I must warn you to be prepared for anything. You may need to express your feelings more so because of the frustration you are going through by staying in a relationship where you are not feeling fulfilled. You may have to count your losses and move on.

What are your views? What do you think Ochieng' should do?