10 Nairobi hoods where maisha ni ‘roho juu!’

In these ‘hardship areas,’ only hardcores whose hearts are fashioned from granite survive although wenyejiwould not live elsewhere even for free:

1. ‘D’ is for Dandora

Dando or ‘D’ is a special case where crime is in its DNA. There was a time shoes were sold as you walked by before being yanked off after a price was agreed. ‘D’ is also home the city’s largest dump site where a murderous cartel holds forte.

2. ‘North’ means Mathare North

   ‘North’ is punctuated by multi-storey flats with dark, steep staircases. In some areas you have to be home by 8pm before the gate is locked to keep off the dingos mostly from Kia-Maiko. Being mugged is as common as the muddy roads and pathways.

3. ‘Githo’ is pronounced ‘Getho’

Githurai, or Getho was once theplace to be in the early ‘90s but is now one of the most congested and dangerous hoods to live in. The notoriety of criminal gangs (and Mungiki) here is legendary. Now wonder residents  protested the arrest of ‘super cop’ Katitu who used to ‘hunt and mow down’ hardcore criminals.

4. Ole wako in ‘Oyole’

This sprawling estate in Eastlands once hosted the Mungiki as its ‘government’. High storey buildings, dirty streets and burst sewer drains are the hallmarks of ‘Oyole.’ Garbage collectors and matatu gangs call the shots here and often engage in deadly conflicts.

5. No mercy in Huruma

It is popular for its identical flats built by the defunct Kanjo in the 1980s. Here, you don’t flash out your Samsung Galaxy S5 ovyo ovyo, or else it will become ‘was’ faster than you can say ‘Kimaiyo!’

6. Jesus lived in ‘Ungwaro,’  briefly

This slum was made famous by a ‘prophetess’ Mary Akatsa, who once ‘hosted’ an Arab-looking ‘Jesus’ in 1986. Apart from the high probability of getting robbed or mugged in Kawangware residents here also have to contend with water shortages, overcrowding and foul smell from open sewers.

7. ‘Bangla’ is ‘Axis of Evil’

Oriosh or Bangla is earliest of Kanjo estates is neighboured by the notorious Kiamaiko, Korogocho (Koch), ‘D’ (Dandora) and Baba Dogo, basically Kariobangi North is one ‘Axis of Evil’ and not necessarily because it has ‘bangi’ as part of its name.

8. Sleepless in ‘Isich’

It is commonly known as ‘Little Mogadishu’ because of its huge Somali population, Isich was at one time notorious for grenade attacks. The police swoops to fish out ‘terrorists’ was as predictable as the 7pm news. Gun running is the other hallmark of the hood with the largest concentration of shopping malls, and serious circulation of money is such that KRA has an office there as do almost all serious banks.

9. Mwiki is shagz in the city

Your neck will be ‘rinsed’ in areas like Redsoil, Ndambaki and Mwiki Phase Three besides congestion, narrow dirty roads, a huge idle population,  transport and constant water shortages being the challenges of living in this ‘hardship area’ that was once the place of home owners now turned into a sprawling concrete jungle.

10. ‘Umo’ is Umoja

Once crime free, with working street lights and tarmacked estate roads, Umoja is today a shadow of its ‘80s self. What with its dense population living in highrise flats where your security is not guaranteed before the 9pm news and after. There are also more bars than churches!