Ban male clerics to save religion from being a preserve of perverts and terrorists

Kenyan clerics are a dangerous lot. The whole lot. Kenyans are by now getting used to hearing about this or that Muslim cleric shot dead in Mombasa on suspicion of being a terrorist recruiter or fundraiser. We don’t know who does the killing, despite a recent TV documentary sensationally claiming to know who does it. You know what these TV people are like, always looking for stories where there are none.

The Christian clerics are even worse. They seem to see in their flock just one opening – the one between the legs of their female lay members. Our pastors seem to take the “lay” in lay members quite literally, and have taken to satiating their sexual appetites rather liberally, generally by feeding on other people’s wives all in the name of either “kupokea sadaka”, or “kupanda mbegu”(receiving offerings or planting seeds). Our men of the cloth, it seems, prefer to be without clothes when communing with female church members.

This story is now too common to be a mere blip on the spiritual life of the nation. Every week, another story emerges of some pastor engaging in sexual indiscretion with his flock.

The speed with which these wachungaji turn into hyenas is astonishing, and the only consistent thing about it is that it happens in every single church, some clerics prefer to defile young boys, others chase down and conquer other men’s wives. Psychologists and similar “head people” have tried to understand the phenomenon, but it is obviously out of hand and drastic action is needed before vengeful husbands decide to take matters into their own hands.

It has not helped that the Christian Church itself has simply decided to avoid addressing the problem, even as pastors continue to undress their flock. Some churches, notably those in which young boys are routinely abused by priests unable to stick to their vows of celibacy – have chosen to ignore the problem, looking to bury it under the weight of official silence.

Other churches have not quite stonewalled, but have tried to bribe the victims into staying quiet. This doesn’t last long, though, as spouses quickly discover and raise the alarm. The worst lot are the type that, incredibly, seek to explain away the unpoliced sexual appetites of their pastors by providing full license to those pastors, one church even claimed that its female members should have sex with the pastor so that their wombs can be blessed!

What has not escaped notice, though, is that this is a problem that flows in only one direction: sexual exploitation of laity by pastors happens – usually – only when the pastor is male and the flock has a large number of females.

It’s easy to see why the women fall for it: in Christianity, it is women who are most likely to go to Church, and those that do so regularly are usually those with intractable problems that need the consolation of prayers.

The sexually greedy pastors then seize onto these issues and essentially force themselves onto – and into – these unfortunate women, and the cycle then repeats itself over and over. You will not find female pastors doing this to their male congregation, even in rotten old Kenya.

Which is why it is time to ban men from being pastors. Male pastors have shown themselves to be incapable of keeping their carnal gluttony in check, and have instead turned the Church into a sexual free-for-all.

Seeing as female pastors and Bishops are the very models of decorum and spirituality – save for one or two – Government should first nationalise all religions, and then proceed to ensure that all clerics are women.

This will soften the image of the Church, turn religion from being a preserve of perverts and thugs, and take it back to the days when it provided spiritual guidance to the children of God!