Strange disease makes Ugandans to run all over like headless chicken

Ignorance can be very dangerous. In fact, it can easily cause one’s death. We have all heard of the end times being heralded by the numbers “666” or “the mark of the beast”.

Hollywood has not disappointed as there are so many movies and series that have been released that depict the signs of the end times and even the apocalypse.

Mankind thrives on rumor and innuendo and after the turn of the century, we are simply awaiting “The Beast”. For instance, when the Obama Health Care Bill was introduced in the United States, there was a hue and cry about end times and how the chip imbedded into people is really the mark of the beast.

Closer home, we have pastors everywhere preaching about leaving your worldly possessions and going to heaven broke as we came in this world. The level of ignorance among us doesn’t make the matter any better.

Fake pastors

Increased inflation and lack of jobs are triggering the creative instinct in many of us, with the sisal farmers, witchdoctors and fake pastors in Central Uganda laughing all the way to the bank.

Currently, the new fashion item among Ugandans is some strange looking sisal talisman. Allegedly, this talisman can be tied around the head, neck or waist for protection against the “Numbers disease”.

The “Numbers disease” manifests with fever, vomiting, diarrhea and abdominal pain. It should not be confused with malaria and hunger pangs, which are quite common in the rainy season when the granary is bare and the mosquito nets tattered. The next phase of the disease is numbers appearing on the patient’s skin to predict the number of days he has to live.

When the marked days elapse, death comes calling. It is rumored that the corpse appears pale and deeply jaundiced with rashes on the forehead and upper limbs.

I say rumoured because there is yet to be a published death or a photo of a patient with the numbers on any body part. The hysteria however is real and sisal threads have sold out in the region!

The people cried “Gavumenti! Tuyambe! (Government! Help us!)”, and Dr. Thomas Lutalo of the Ministry of Health found himself tasked to investigate this phenomenon and come up with suitable solutions. Is he a movie buff? Does he watch horrors and thrillers? Does he read Stephen King? I doubt it!

His first course of action was to order Malaria tests and ask people to go for treatment. Here is some free advice; give out placebo injections and call a kimeeza (baraza) for prayers.

Access Google

I blame this hullabaloo on the lack of technology and in afforability of Internet. If these people had access to Google they would know that sisal is best used for basket and rope making, and only appears in voodoo when the amulet needs to be tied to something.  

I propose that the NGOs in the region use their mobile cinemas better. Then there is that katandika bu tandisi  (it is just starting) or maaso ku lutimbe (eyes on the screen) announcements that is very common whenever a ugnadan movie begins, which I suggest should be made use of well.

If the villagers had watched horrors like Omen or The Child they would know that evil is never that obvious, and silver is the metal of choice in charm making,