It's worse to deal with big, boring nags

I said it a couple of months ago in this very room, and the next week, Beryl (or the woman upstairs) took off her wig, raised her fists and tried to wallop me for saying this. "Imagine you are a man and you walk into the house at 9pm nightly to find a woman stuffing her face with food. That time, she is in her Kusema na Kutenda T-shirt, oozing mafuta, her lower torso covered in the old lesso she bought in Uganda during your honeymoon in 2004."

Well, this whole week has been about some youngling 'immature girl' attacking women for doing things like this. The young lady argued that it was these kind of scenarios that led men to cheat. I disagree with that premise. You could be the most svelte, stylish, pretty, brainy and laid-back lady in the world, that is still not a prophylactic against a man cheating on you. History shows us this – Jackie Kennedy, Halle Berry, Hillary Clinton, Marilyn Monroe – all these women were cheated on. But, come on, enough with the consolation. Why watch the kilos pile on, then give childbirth as an excuse, saying he'll understand? Women, understand this as an unalterable rule of the Universe, as much as Newton's Law of Gravity and other iron-cast scientific theories. Men are visual creatures.