Why married women should not take up their husband's names

Women taking up their husband's name are adhering to a tradition that we should do away with. It does more harm than good to our women. Even though most communities are patriarchal, women should just keep their maiden name.

 

Taking up a man's name makes women to be so docile. It's an insult to a woman's wholeness. Does it mean that she didn't have a name initially? It's like saying she didn't have an identity which has now been achieved through marriage.

 

Winnie Byanyima, Kizza Besigye's wife and Nigeria's celebrated novelist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie didn't take their husband's name. When pretty Winnie was asked why she didn't take up her husband's name, she said her grandmother never took her husband's name. She added that she didn't see the need to do so. These women are identified by their personal achievements rather than marriage. Marriage is a milestone in life and not an achievement by the way.

 

At the risk of being seen as contrarian to the norm, I think this taking up men's name is what ails most women in marriage. Women lose their identity. They forget their purpose, their dreams and even forsake their careers.

 

Taking up a man's name makes women imagine they possess the man. Many believe they have it all. They believe the sun rises and sets at their husband’s backyard. That's why some won't even have control over their maternity health. Many will say "Mzee alikataa niende family". They will have one kid after another. Then leave their career in the name of taking care of the family. Women will go out of their way to proudly call themselves Mrs. so and so. Men simply say they are married or even hide their marital status.

 

The habit of asking women "when is the wedding?" will stop. We will celebrate women's graduation and promotion in jobs just like weddings. Marriage will be what it's supposed to be: For companionship. Not what makes a woman whole; they are already whole.

 

Women will be married but refuse to be taken as dolls. They will roll their sleeves and make homes and build careers. No woman will stop working ati to support her husband's carrier.

 

They will refuse to patiently wait for baba watoto to buy them a ka-vitz for driving kids to school and for going shopping. They will make big money and stroll to Toyota Kenya in 6 inch high heels and pay for that V8 in cash. Their husbands won't say "get out of my house!” In case he does, they will take the kids; get in the car, reverse (without hitting the perimeter wall) and drive away. They will just throw away the spare keys to this arrogant man's house. All this will be possible if women maintain their maiden name.