Chunga! Four pointers a woman is a drama queen

A friend was recently locked in his bathroom by his three-week-old girlfriend after she found some saucy message in his phone. A message harmlessly sent from a former college mate. Nothing else, besides the clichéd 'sweetheart' salutation was offensive or telling.

Given the bathroom is at the abandoned corner of the apartment, he could not call anyone for help. After spending two hours without help, he broke the door in one moment of madness and wanted to slap the woman thunderously and manually whack some sense into her, but she had packed and left.

At one point in your life as a man, you will encounter a woman, so insecure, so full of drama; she will shock the core of your humanity to the bone, leaving you flummoxed. It always happens when out of nowhere; she tears up and shreds your interview suit when you fail to coherently tell her who the girl who blew you a kiss in the club is?

I have been through this before. And with hindsight, I can now detect the early signs of a woman likely to be a possessive freak, suicidal, and melodramatic. For starters, if she starts calling you 'sweets', 'babes' or 'honey' within five days of dating, make an exit strategy pronto! Take it from me. Such words are a psychological prison, meant to ensnare you. Don't fall for that.

Secondly, if she demands a fully written report, full with citations, Harvard style, on why you ogled at another woman in the supermarket, yet you have not been dating for more than two years, run bro. A woman who explicitly expresses her jealousy before the relationship has settled and determined by both parties is dangerous one and can pull a shocker on you that you will not appreciate.

Any reasonable woman will understand the simple pleasure of ogling without necessarily seeing it as evil. That is why men's eyes are quick at detecting female beauty and the reason you picked on her in the first place.

Thirdly, is how she reacts when you arrive home late after you told her you are out with your boys. If she is furious and waiting for you on the sofa with the kitchen knife and it is only the first night, declare a state of emergency in your household and evacuate her, first thing in the morning.

A man needs to be free, reasonably so. A woman who cannot let you to be a boy, granted you are not fooling around, is no good for your health. You have spent your entire life explaining yourself to your parents, teachers, so she should give you a break. Unless, you are married and have children, then you must behave. However, as a man, be reasonable.

Fourth, if she is too much into the church and you are not, spare yourself too much drama. This is because; latter day proselytising religions can affect the mental faculties of your woman. And running into members of a cult jumping up and down in a frenzied prayer can be unsettling if you hold liberal or heretical religious opinions.

It is good to have a religious woman but not someone into a cult or a sect, or someone who does more than it is reasonably necessarily.

The final pointer to a woman who is going to be dramatic is the nature of her moans when making love. If fake and affected, son, you have a problem right there. Work your way out.