Funny ways in which Kenyans behave in banking halls

On Monday morning I found myself in a long queue in one of the local banks in Nakuru County. To while away time, I started noting the behaviors of fellow Kenyans who were also queueing along.

1. This is Mogaka, he keeps looking over his shoulders fixing a steady gaze at the main door as if expecting somebody to enter before turning abruptly and looking at the person in front of him. His withdrawal slip is safely in the pocket. When he arrives at the counter, he looks sideways and then passes the withdrawal slip across the glass partition. He asks to be given the money in denominations of fifty. He puts them in the wallet and then in the inner pocket of the coat, turns quickly and leaves the banking hall at a lightning speed, occasionally looking over his shoulder.

2. This is Mwangi, he looks so sickly and disturbed while in the queue, occasionally scratching his head, zipping and unzipping his leather jacket or faded jeans trouser, adjusting his trouser belt, removing an aim pen or borrowing one from the person behind him to do some calculations on his palm and looking at the rear pocket of the person in front of him.

You will not see his withdrawal slip. He talks to himself a lot as words like "eeni, nekwoo, ereeuree" are heard. When he arrives at the counter, he presents the withdrawal slip and when he is given the “mbeca”, he counts them over and over again, and keenly looks at the withdrawal slip, before folding the money neatly and puts them in the inner pocket, turns to face the crowd, scans each face to see if there is a familiar face, gets relieved if there is no relative within sight and quietly sneaks out of the hall, as sickly as he arrived and like somebody who is going straight to ICU.

3. This Jaduong, while on the queue, is ever busy with his toy, a very expensive "kaacheet". He makes occasional calls and says, "Yes beebi, inpact i am with the benk meneja. My Mazidis? Yeah beebi, it is just outside the benk, next to that one of the meneja".

The withdrawal slip of Jaduong is not concealed. Everybody can see the huge amount he withdraws. When he arrives at the counter, he greets the girl behind the glass, "how are you beebi, i am Otis Yawah". When he gets the money, he turns around for all to see the amount he is holding, greets everybody on his way out, generously tips the G4S guard, enters in his Mazidis, and drives away to spend his money with his beebi.

4. A very muddy Toyota Hilux Pickup with empty milk containers at the back grinds to a halt at the entrance of this bank. It is Kiptanui, with black gumboots in a sunny day, a faded rain coat and crumbled trouser swallowed by the gumboot at the edge opens the driver's door and emerges with an old leather bag. The middle aged fellow is brandishing a Nokia 3310. When he enters the banking hall, he goes straight to the manager’s office, leaving those queuing with open mouths. Within a split of a second, the manager is seen at counter no. 1 giving instructions to the teller while holding the leather bag. Then the counter is labelled "CLOSED" the poor teller is emptying bundles and bundles of notes into the counting machine.

Meanwhile, Kiptanui is heard making calls in the manager's office, "ang' ii, kele kolyaa? cheko?" After the machine has gone quiet; the manager retreats to his office and comes back accompanied by Kiptanui. Tanui looks at the screen of the counting machine, wipes his face with the back of his hand, fishes out a very old dirty handkerchief from the pocket of his equally dirty trouser, blows his nose and shakes his head in confirmation. He is given his deposit slip, gives the manager a hearty handshake and then walks out of the hall talking on the phone, "ami oret nguni". He starts his Hillux, revs a little, and proceeds to a motor showroom opposite the bank, probably to buy a tractor.

5.  Wanjala is in front of me; he is constantly chewing, swallowing and chewing again. I observed him keenly and note that he is chewing cud. Jesus! A serious animal doctor like Madam Lay calls it "regurgitating", and to my friend Junior, who never went back to school in the afternoon, this is a term used when an animal or in this case, a man brings back food which had been chewed and swallowed earlier to the mouth for chewing and swallowing again.

 I concluded that this Omwami must have taken a very heavy lunch of Ugali and Kuku. His turn came to carry out transactions in the bank. He greeted the lady behind the counter while chewing at the same time, "AppaRi Pappa". The lady responded with a smile. He presents the slip to the teller, collects his cash and said, 'Banee, nipatieko pipti pipti". When he is through, he leaves the banking hall chewing and probably, unleashing.

I was not very surprised, Kenya is a country of diversity, and diverse is what defines Kenya. This is just one of the major reasons why I love Kenya and its people, #proudlykenyan.