I'm jobless, broke but she insists we move in

I am 29 and my fiancée is 28. She has a well paying job but I am jobless though it is not an issue to her as she has been very supportive and keeps telling me things will get better. She recently told me she needs to settle down by the end of this year. I have no problem with that only that I don’t think it is right for us to start a family when I am not financially stable. Now she is saying that there are many other men who are pursuing her for marriage but she keeps turning them down because of me. She claims to love me but she is putting too much pressure on me to marry her. I’m lost on what to do... {Peter}

Your take

As a mother, I would not accept my son to marry a woman who is employed while he himself is jobless. Where will the money for the wedding come from? That aside if you don’t have any source of income, that means the woman will be responsible for all that’s needed in the home. Is this what you want to subject yourself to? You two should wait until for the right time.

{Lucy Nyakamwenda}

What’s wrong with you Peter? If she wants to settle down and she knows the situation, go ahead and marry her. Or you could up your game and get a job really fast.

{Andrew Chaplin}

When a woman makes up her mind, especially about marriage, then it is made up. Go ahead with the wedding and God will open up opportunities for you. Many marriages actually start off like this and last very long. You can do it.

{Phine Nyaugunja}

The most important thing is to know whether or not you are ready for marriage. If you are, then go for it, wealth and everything else will follow.

{Tasma Charles}

Peter, marriage is a sacred union that you should not rush into. I encourage you to wait and marry only when you feel ready and can handle the expectations that  come with marriage. She might be thinking of her biological clock. Also, you should both consult widely with people who are already married. If she insists on getting married then let her go and look for someone else.

{Ouma Ragumo}

That woman is in love if your financial situation is not an issue. Marriages are ordained by God, pray about this if this is the right thing for you now, being jobless shouldn’t bother you. You could get a job tomorrow.

{Fred Jausenge}

First appreciate that she loves you and your problems. This is very rare nowadays so I think she means it. Get out of your comfort zone and do something to show her you also care about her.

{Lenz Kolil}

Peter she loves you just as you are and is ready to settle down with you despite the fact that you are jobless. To you it sounds like pressure, but she is in love. Talk to her to affirm your commitment and also let her know why you would rather wait. Remember that her clock is ticking and the longer you take the faster you are likely to lose her to others who are pursuing her.

{Andera Ngota}

Counsellors take

Peter, this is a common problem but it can be taken care of in many ways. However, before we delve into the matter, it is important for you to understand the context, the underlying factors as well as the possible outcomes of the various scenarios that are playing out here. For starters, her age is already lighting a red signal on her.

Most women (if not all) hope that by the age of 27, they would have a ring on their finger. When this does not happen, the red signal lights up and as the years go by they become even more desperate to walk down the aisle.

The reasons for this are obvious key of which is that as a lady grows older, the less likely she is to find a man who is unattached and within her ideal age difference i.e. four to five years her senior. Again, the pressure could be building from her family and friends causing her to be a little bit more aggressive on the issue of marriage.

Based on this, you may now understand why there is a lot of pressure from her about this. The pressure is being reinforced by certain threats she is throwing your way such as the allegation that there are many men who keep proposing to her but she is always turning them down.

The best way to go about this is to categorically state that you are not ready to marry at the moment for obvious reasons. The reality of the situation is that you are the one who is marrying her. That decision should be yours to make without any pressure. If you get into any such arrangement without setting your groundwork right, you will surely face the music. Financial stability is key in sustaining a healthy family something she should also be aware of, so you two need to discuss about this.

{Taurus}