Agony of man in love drama with sly cook

Last week’s love scandal, which involved Connie and sucked in Depa Wangu wa Makeri, has left many tongues wagging. Connie, a member of the support staff, had stolen the heart of a man in his mid forties. She had introduced herself to him as the deputy principal of Meta Meta High School.

Being head over heels in love, he had bought her a bouquet of flowers and a special lunch on her birthday. The flowers, sumptuous mutton and chicken pieces — miraculously arranged in the shape of a heart — ended up on wa Makeri’s table.

Sam, the victim of love, had turned up the following day.

Worse incidents

On seeing him, Connie had disappeared and asked her colleague to tell anyone looking for her that she was on leave, taking care of her ailing grandmother.

After I had confirmed to Sam that Connie wasn’t the TSC-appointed Meta Meta deputy principal, he collapsed into a chair.

I rushed to Okonkwo’s office and got a bottle of water. It would help him swallow the shock. By the time he recovered, I had finished entering the incident in the school’s OB, since I was on duty.

Staggering to his feet, he asked for the hundredth time, “You mean Connie is not the deputy principal of this school?” I patiently informed him that Connie was a member of the support staff, and that the deputy principal was wa Makeri.

“That is where your flowers and special lunch ended up,” I added. He just stood in the staff room confused, and I offered to buy him a drink — to say pole — at JJ’s. We found Vasco Da Gama and Aenea’s there adjusting their budgets in view of the imminent salary boom.

I briefed the pair. Vasco Da Gama, a veteran, had witnessed worse incidents and was touched to the point of ordering a full ‘goat’s engine’. “There is nothing like a goat’s head in helping a man think clearly, he said. “That is why during my father’s time only elders ate goats’ heads,” he observed. Aeneas ordered a round of drinks. “Socs, take a glass of wine and let’s toast to the health of Sossion and the judicial system. Even Apostle Paul advised Timothy to take a glass of wine,” he coaxed me.

Vasco Da Gama asked JJ’s DJ to play him ‘Stella’— a song about love and betrayal. The musician had sold everything to educate his wife in the Far East. Stella, the lady in question, came back after her studies with both a certificate and a rather short oriental husband.

The song and the drink sobered Sam enough to tell us how he met Connie at a funeral. “I may sound crazy, but I fell in love the moment my eyes met hers,” he confessed. They exchanged telephone numbers and in no time offered to buy her a drink in town.

She took over a month to honour his invitations as she complained of being too busy at school with discipline cases. Then she would not drink alcohol: “I don’t touch the stuff,” she had told him. We were quite amused.

During our last staff party, a missing bottle of whisky was traced to Connie. Her apparent good manners combined with her dashing figure completely won Sam over.

Connie has flesh where it matters. Even the drab green Meta Meta support staff uniform only enhances her beauty.

“I had meant to surprise her since she had assured me she was neither married nor in a serious relationship,” he said and then added, “I sincerely believed that I had struck ‘wife material’.

I had come to propose to her,” he confessed while removing a small box from his coat pocket to reveal a sparkling diamond-studded ring.