Militant group Isis slaps ban on Hollywood movies for being too violent

In a clear attempt aimed at reinforcing its rule in parts of the Middle East, the militant group Isis has slapped a ban on Hollywood movies for being too violent.

In a video posted online, the group spokesperson urged everyone living in the areas under its control to keep away from watching or distributing films originating from Hollywood or face dire consequences. The video went further to demonstrate what would happen to anyone who would go against its edict. The victim in this case was a man caught selling bootleg copies of Hollywood films.

Speaking after punishing the offender who had dared circulate action movies from Hollywood, a hooded militant warned in impeccable English that the same fate would befall anyone who flouted the ban.

“A machete is leaving the factory every second for those who are foolish enough to consume visual entertainment of a violent nature,” the militant warned while waving a glistening machete.

A spokesperson for the militant group further explained that they were only doing this to protect society.

“People may think we are doing this to punish them because we are sadists but frankly it’s for their own good,” the spokesperson pointed out.

The spokesman personally admitted that violence in films had negatively affected him. He confessed that after watching several action and horror films from Hollywood he couldn’t sleep afterwards.

“I would wake up at night screaming because bloody scenes I had watched kept replaying in my mind... if this can happen to an adult man, what about children?” posed the spokesperson with a Kalashnikov over his shoulder.

The Isis spokesperson added that besides films from Hollywood they were also banning watching or participating in sports such as boxing and wrestling since they are violent activities too.

Bloody confrontation

“There is absolutely no reason why people should clobber each in this manner in this day and age,” he added.

The militant group is also rumoured to be considering whether to slap a ban on bullfighting and cockfighting since these two activities also involve some amount of violence. And following recent incidents of political confrontation in Kenya, Isis has released another message warning that they will not hesitate to block online news videos from Kenya.

The group claims that the politically-instigated violence that has lately reared its ugly head in the country’s politics is not suitable for viewers in its areas of control and is actually worse than Hollywood productions.

“Bloody confrontation between elected leaders... shooting and injuring people... setting property on fire... uprooting things... public brawls and fights... we can’t let our people be exposed to such!” the message blared online.

Sitting cross-legged with several Uzi sub machine guns by his side, an Isis militant said guns should be used with care to avoid causing harm to innocent civilians.

“All human life is sacred and should be respected. There should be absolutely no reason to solve disputes by throwing fists at each other or shooting in the air... there are better ways of sorting out differences!” he said.

This latest message was uploaded online just as the group had just captured yet another town in Iraq where there were dozens of casualties.