I have a girlfriend who is in her third year in campus. We have been dating for about one month, but something very strange happened. We got intimate on our first date and since I wasn’t prepared for it, I didn’t have condoms so it was unprotected. Last week she told me she was pregnant. This has puzzled me because she said she discovered this about ten days after we had sex. She says she is not ready to have a baby, which I agree with, but I don’t think that baby is mine. Is there a way I can ascertain this because if the baby is mine, I can help her out of the situation so that she completes her studies.
Paul, you are a victim of a common scam being perpetrated by college girls who target working class and married men, jump into bed and then feign a pregnancy a few weeks after. With the looming threats, the best option is usually to get an abortion, which costs Sh20,000 – Sh50,000 financed by the man. Insist on taking her to a doctor of your choice for a pregnancy test. Make it clear that if she is pregnant, you will take care of the child. She may disappear, but if she gives birth, then go for a DNA test and start thinking about being a father.
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I don’t think a respected, focused and morally upright woman would have a baby with a man she has known for less than one month. As a Christian I would not advise you to settle on abortion as the best option, but to seek medical advice. You may also support her and encourage her to carry the baby to full term.
Paul, when two consenting adults have sex, then that is no accident. You should take responsibility for your actions and take care of them. A hormone test can turn positive less than ten days after intercourse, if she is indeed pregnant. Consult a doctor and take responsibility.
The counsellors’ take
Paul, this sounds pretty much like an extortion scheme. Such things may happen to first and second year college girls, but not on a third year student as they are much more informed. They carry contraceptives (as they have learnt a few lessons from the many one-night-stands, monthly VCT visits and close shaves) — they know all the tricks and many don’t want to go through yet another procedure to get rid of an unwanted pregnancy. They always know exactly what they are doing (no matter how drunk they seem) and can never get pregnant ‘accidentally’.
Third year college girls are known to get into such well crafted schemes to extort money from men with jobs like you who appear to care so much about them and their education to let some foetus come in the way and ruin their future.
Yes, there are ways to determine the paternity of a child before birth, but they are generally intrusive and can be extremely expensive. So there may be no need to go that way. ?Again, the lead time (time between the day it happened and the day she conveyed the news) seems conspicuously close, thus there is sufficient reason to believe that she could be pulling a quick one.
For now I encourage you to get an ‘it doesn’t matter attitude’. Don’t call or ask anything for a few months to ascertain if she is indeed pregnant — chances are she is not. She may be pulling this one on several men too, and when you appear not bothered, she will leave you and pursue those who appear to be more caring and concerned about a pregnancy that does not exist.
If she is indeed pregnant, then you could insist on a paternity test at birth after which you could determine your next course of action. With a confirmation on the paternity, there are many available options, which will depend on a couple of variables at the time. For now take it easy on this situation. The truth will emerge soon.