Career homemakers

Joy Wangari and her baby Imani.  [Photos: Simon Anyona/Standard]

Women are increasingly postponing their career progression in favour of raising children, a move though difficult, is most fulfilling. Simon Anyona spoke to some

She wakes up at 6am, prepares her husband’s bath, presses his clothes, prepares breakfast for the family and sees him off as the house help does the laundry.

Baby Imani gets up at 9am hungry, thirsty and yearning for her attention. She breastfeeds and cuddles her for about an hour, after which she starts preparing the baby’s lunch. In between, she takes the baby out to bask in the mid-morning sunshine as she watches over the baby’s food that has to be prepared with caution and served warm.

The feeding frenzy starts and extends for over an hour to 2.30pm, after which she talks baby Imani to sleep. She helps out with some household chores as she prepares fruits and feeds the baby when she wakes up later in the day. By 8pm she is still on her feet carefully dividing her time between nursing the baby, overseeing the preparation of dinner, attending to various household errands and touching base with her husband.

That is a day in the life of Joy Wangari who quit her white-collar job to become a stay-at-home-mum.

“It was the most difficult decision of my life, but it has proved to be the most fulfilling,” she says with a thoughtful look on her face. Formerly serving in the complex media industry, she was only entitled to the statutory maternity leave after which she would leave her child with a house help for the better part of the day.

Fulfilling decision

“After considering my work schedule and complex working environment, I decided to quit and dedicate my time and energy to my child. Within this arrangement, my baby is assured of my love, affection and attention. I know when and how she feeds and being that I’m here, everything is done to my satisfaction. Being around her assures me of her wellbeing and puts me in a good position to monitor her growth and development,” she says.

Good idea only if

Susan Mwalabu, a business lady in Nairobi thinks it is a good idea, but should be done within limits having been a-stay-at-home mother for four years. She says that as soon as the baby gets on his or her feet — about eight months to a year, the mother should find something to do. As the baby grows, its dependence on the mother reduces especially past the first year.

“Such mothers may find that they have too much time in their hands and not much to do with it. To fill this void, some turn to idle gossip while others engage in illicit affairs,” she says.

Then there is the financial dependence on your husband, which kind of turns you into a “dignified beggar” because you rely on him for every little need.”

“I also realised that this setting was raising tension and friction between my husband and I. In the evening, having stayed at home all day with very few people to interact with, I would be craving for his attention and companionship. He, on the other side, would be tired and weary. I’m sure most of the times I came out as nagging as I sought his attention, while to me he seemed to be disregarding me,” says Susan.

 Looking back, Susan says: “I realise he could have been just tired from a hard day’s work and may have needed some peace and quiet, while I had a big void inside, which needed to be filled.”

“It was a case of mismatched needs and expectations,” she says and is quick to add that stay-at-home mothers are usually on the edge of psycho-socio degeneration.

Even as much as stay-at-home mothers are at a high risk of degenerating, Susan says that some  are finding innovative ways of keeping themselves occupied and productive with some already realising incomes.

“I know of a stay-at-home mum who is earning over Sh30,000 per month by providing day-care services to working mothers for babies aged between four months to two years. The working mothers love this arrangement because they know their children are safe in the hands of a woman who appreciates and values motherhood.

John Mutegi’s wife is a home-maker and says the arrangement is working well — he wouldn’t have it any other way. He says he has peace of mind knowing that the person he trusts the most is raising his children.

“The greatest assurance is that I do not have to worry about leaving my children in the hands of a stranger, especially being that there is no telling what happens in your house during the day when both parents are busy working,” says John.

Work complications

Ann Njuguna a sociologist based in Nairobi says that women find it very difficult to cope with the intricacies of the present day working environment, which is characterised by long working hours, extensive travel, tough deadlines and indefinite schedules among other complications.

“Given the chance and a conducive environment, many mothers would choose to temporarily suspend their careers to look after their newborn babies, which is the right thing to do,” she says.

However, to many households, the extra income is critical to the family’s well-being, so they opt to keep working despite the challenges, Ann adds.

She emphasises the need for a mother to spend more time with their children in their early years.

“As the child develops, the mother can reduce her attention given to the child as he or she becomes more independent thus creating time for other things. Within two to three years the mother can comfortably get back into gainful employment,” says Ann.

She adds that choosing to be a stay-at-home-mum is one of the biggest sacrifices a mother can make for her child. It ensures that the baby gets good care being that the mother is around. You find that children who spend more time with their parents after birth will have a relatively strong foundation in their lives.

However, she warns that it should be considered within certain parameters.