Did cupid's arrow miss you this Valentine?

It's the season of love, and excitement is in the air. But the question is, can singles enjoy a day like Valentine's Day as well, or is it a day that just feels like one big bitter rub in the face? ALLAN OLINGO explores.

A poem by Monica Jackson depicts the dilemma of a single soul, showing how heartbreaking it is to celebrate this love season alone.

A single flower he sent me, when we met

All tenderly his messenger he chose
deep-hearted, pure with scented dew… One perfect rose.

I knew the language of the flower,

“Through my fragile leaves, my heart is enclosed”
It has taken long for that love, to be in my closet again.

Why is it no one ever sent me yet, another perfect rose?

This poem portrays a perfect picture that many single people will ask themselves when the love season checks in.

When I asked one of my friends Walter, a systems engineer with a leading international telecommunication firm, why he is still single this Valentine’s, he did not mince his words.

 “I don’t think I am a loser and in fact, I know I’m good and proud. Maybe I am not that attractive, but I know I’m decent enough with a promising career. And yet, it always seems like I am not loveable,”he says.

Walter says that he has always thought about love, thinking that maybe there’s something wrong with him or there are things that he needs to change.

But through the years, having spent Valentine’s Day just like one of those ordinary days, Walter has learnt to brush it off easily and to dismiss it with the belief that having a romantic relationship may simply not be for him.

 “It has come to my senses that being single doesn’t make you any less of a person,” he consoles himself.

When I posed the same question to a female friend Linda, an accountant at a local airline, she brought in a very interesting angle.

“Frankly, I don’t know if I am relevant anymore in the dating world. I am single and feeling lost. It’s just that my friends will all be out with their men while I’m single here. Somehow I am not the fling kind of a person but right now I can’t help but feel cheekier. It’s awful to be single,” said Linda

While Linda is not closing her doors on the possibility of spending the rest of her life with ‘the one,’ she says what’s important to her right now is that she has her family and friends for keeps.

“I really have no reason to feel that bad about not being in a relationship, when I have a wonderful family and treasured friends, life goes on,” she says.

So you are single this Valentine’s? Don’t worry, here are interesting perspectives on why you are better placed this Valentine’s.

Self-Love

As your ‘taken’ friends are getting all worked up with anxiety, excitement and tension abut the D-day, you are there having a ball, lots of free time for you! Your taken friends will admit that self-love while in a relationship is a challenge.

Sociologist Dr.Agnes Zani says that the possibility of focusing on one self and getting in touch with the core of their reality, their wants, desires, ambitions, goals as a single person, is one of the things they should feel great about during this season.

“Even in relationships, we still have the ‘me space’, but that is not as profound as when one is single so they should not be beaten during valentines,” says Dr Zani.

No Pressure

When you’re part of the ‘blessed few’ on Valentine’s Day, you are expected to make a bold, romantic declaration of your feelings through gifts, outings and even statements. Where there are expectations, there is the risk of reality falling short. Right?

“You will find people filled with anxiety. What if you buy the wrong colour of flowers? What if he hates the meal you cooked or she doesn’t like the restaurant you picked out? What if the present you bought brings out other meanings?”

Says Dr Zani “A day that’s supposed to be love filled and memorable turns into something that’s filled with tension and pressure stressful.”

Less Expense

Lets face it; there can be no Valentine’s worth remembering without incurring costs! All of those expected gestures cost money and if you’re single for, you will definitely be saving money! True, as a single person you might spoil yourself to kill the little sorrow, but your spending is incomparable to what that of the lovebirds.

Faked enthusiasm

You have heard the stories about women sending themselves flowers to keep abreast with the others during this love season. Crazy right? Then there are those who will fake the enthusiasm to ‘flow’ with the expectations. See, some people, especially men aren’t just that crazy about the flowers, chocolates, texts and emails.

Some men will always play a long and turn the sweet nothings up a notch, act like they totally think the heart-shaped candies, cards, and chocolates they bought are adorable. Anyway, isn’t it easier to buy them than fight about not having bought them? When you are single, you really don’t have to go through that, do you?

Fewer Disappointments

It’s within the valentine period that heartbreaks occur. This is when the no-show behaviour of their partners disappoints you. The truth dawns on you that he has another partner. Others will be disappointed in the kinds of gifts they will receive due to over expectations. As a single person, disappointments will be the least of your worries.

So how can one use these perspectives to beat the Valentine’s blues?

Dr Zani says that self love is as critical as loving someone else and given that you re single, you have that opportunity to love yourself as opposed to those dating.

“Identify what you like most and focus on it.” Dr Zani advises “There is also very little that one can do about being alone and instead of focusing on that aspect during the Valentine Day, think and do other things as normally you would and make the best of the day.”