Believer husband, where art thou?

I am a 29 year-old university graduate with a stable job. Men find me beautiful and want to have a relationship with me but for some reason, the relationships don't materialise and I end up being heartbroken. I am born-again and my relationships don’t last because men usually want to have sex when we are courting and my faith discourages this. Another problem is that the only nice men interested in me are not saved. My pastor is strict about dating a non-believer. I let these fine men go so many times and some of them have been genuinely serious about me. I think I am growing old and I want to get married. I am not under pressure to get married because my family is supportive, but I think there is something I am doing wrong. I long to be courted, engaged and married one day. Please advise… {Sylvia}

Your take:

Nowadays, men like to taste the waters before they plunge into it. Jesus did not come for the righteous but for sinners. You could be God’s vessel in changing souls, including a husband to-be. You are judgemental. Everybody is a believer, but others call themselves born-again. Who doesn’t believe in God?

{Ogara George, Kisumu}

You have strong principles in life and dignity. However, your pastor should not be the determinant of your decisions. You have a life to live. Follow your heart and find happiness.

{Joseph Oduory, Nairobi}

Sylvia, sex before marriage is out of question whether you are born-again or not. What would your husband be looking forward to if you’ve already given everything? About salvation, the pastor could be right, but remember that you are the one who needs a husband. Marriages are not made in churches. Churches only help sustain them. After all, how many church ministers or ‘saved marriages’ are in trouble?

{Tasma Charles}

There is no longer any stigma attached to pre-marital sex in our society. Even primary school children know that. At 29, you are a mature adult who can make decisions on sex.

{Andrew Chaplin, Busia}

A good husband comes from God and everything happens for a reason. Age is just but a number. Don’t lose hope; something new is going to happen. It is better to wait and get the right person than hurry then live a miserable life. God never forsakes His people.

{Diana C}

Men who pressure women into premarital sex do not possess real love; they are just lustful. Be the one to choose your man; do not let anyone choose for you. Someone somewhere is looking for you. Be encouraged; everything will work out well.

{Felix Odhiambo, Oyugisnet}

Sylvia, you should not let your religion bar you from finding a good partner. As a matter of fact, it’s impossible to get all you want in a man bundled into one. You have to make him what you want him to be. Listen to your pastor, but act independently. Otherwise, it is God who provides the best companion.

{Oyoo Wycklife, Akala}

Nowadays, we live in a world where one needs to carefully examine his/her better half, including character and sexual behaviour before making a life commitment. However, a woman’s biological clock ticks faster than a man’s. The more you delay, the faster you lose your attraction. Stand on your own and make a decision.

{Pkemoi Ngenoh, Nairobi}

Since you have confessed to being a Christian, continue to trust in God.

Go by your inner convictions. The Bible in Jeremiah 29:11, says, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you a future and not to destroy you." He has a partner for you.

{Bernard Ochieng’, Nakuru}

　

My take:

They want sex before marriage:

Sylvia, I will be straight with you; you may have to deal with this situation as it is. Today, few men are willing to save it for the wedding night. I bet that even those born-again men from your church will not wait that long.

Men will always be men and many of them will not only want to have sex with you many times before marriage, but they will also want something growing in your womb before taking that big step.

Some have found themselves in uncomfortable situations where in the process of ‘being patient’ they discovered that some guy was enjoying the ‘treasured goodies’.

As a result, some never wait for a girl, if she says wait and sticks to her guns, they walk. With this one, I don’t think there is a way round it, that’s just the way it is.

Dating non-believers:

I have a problem with this. I have heard this from many born-again girls, some who get desperate at 29 and marry anything that comes around after discovering the hard truth; that things don’t always work like we want them to.

I know 2 Corinthians 6:14 in the Bible says; "Ye brethren and sisters, do not be unequally yoked with non-believers."

This is usually the clincher, but it may have been taken out of context. Remember that the person who is emphasizing this is happily married while you wallow in loneliness. If you look around on Sunday, you may notice that born-again brethren are rather few so you may want to weigh your options.

Believers should not be discouraged from marrying non-believers because through this channel they can help them know Christ.

Time is running out:

You are absolutely right that time is not on your side. Every single woman in her 30s will tell you of a time when men worshiped the ground she walked on.

In her quest to find Mr Perfect, she got herself where nobody wants her anymore.

The laws of logic dictate that if you want to go somewhere, get on a bus. You are standing at the bus stop and buses are passing as you continue standing.

Please know that no man will ever have and be everything you want. I’m not saying walk down the aisle with anything that comes your way. No. But if you find someone who meets at least half of your expectations, get on board.

It does not matter whether he is a believer or non-believer as long as he is a good man and you are compatible.

Next time you see a bus you like, get on board and fix things as you go — you may be surprised at the results.

{Taurus}