Daring to dream again

Doris Mayoli has had a song written in her honour by gospel musician Kanjii Mbugua. The brave survivor recounts to WANGECI KANYEKI her journey to victory over breast cancer while dealing with the ordeal of a broken marriage.

How did you learn you had cancer?

It was September 2, 2005 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I could not believe that the results of the biopsy were positive. It seemed my whole life was shattering right before me. I was devastated. All I could think of was that I was going to die and that was scary.

I walked out of the hospital teary eyed and disillusioned. Fortunately my friend and workmate, Sharlynne, who had earlier in the day accompanied me for the test, had secretly followed me and I found her at the waiting room. We went outside, sat in the car and cried together. I was so grateful she had come.

What symptoms did you have?

Doris with her son Brennan before the cancer attack. [PHOTOS: COURTSEY]

In May 2005, I noticed a lump under the breast. It felt like a smooth egg. I was not in pain so I ignored it thinking it was hormonal, but two months later it was still there. I decided to go for a mammogram and that’s when I was told I had breast cancer!

What was your first reaction?

I felt alone, confused, depressed and full of despair. My mother had passed on in 1997 from stomach cancer, three months after she fell ill.

So the death threat was real for me. It was staring at me in the face, and I could not help but wonder what would happen to my two boys, Derek and Brennan.

I was also experiencing the trauma of separation from my husband, who just walked out on me. I had been left heartbroken and my self-esteem was very low. No wonder the diagnosis sounded like a death sentence.

How did you break the news to your family?

At the time, I was living with my sister Tina and her husband. Numbed with fear I called my family members for tea and just dropped the bombshell on them. I wasn’t thinking clearly at all.

I took a 14-day office trip to Tanzania that helped me process my thoughts away from my family. I cried continuously throughout the trip. My employer has been very supportive during the illness.

What did the doctor recommend?

The pathologist said that I needed a mastectomy immediately to cut off my breast. It felt so callous.

However, they decided to do four sessions of chemotherapy to shrink the lump and try to conserve the breast.

What were the effects of the chemotherapy?

Chemotherapy was very harsh on my body: I lost my hair — including my eyebrows and eyelashes. I felt like I had lost my femininity. I had chronic fatigue and was so lethargic.

My skin, nails and tongue turned black and I was nauseated, lacked appetite and did not have a sense of taste. In two months I had lost 10 kilos as my white blood cell counts kept dropping.

I searched everywhere for written materials on people who had gone through breast cancer but every book I found ended with the person dying. This was very discouraging.

I finally found an online blog by a woman who had diarised her experience and that was very inspiring. I resolved not to wear a wig.

How did your son’s handle it?

Though I told them I was sick, the boys could not fully comprehend how ill I was. I was unable to take them to school, play or do shopping with them or even help them with homework.

On seeing my head bald, Derek was thoroughly amused and asked if I had become a boy. Brenan was a little scared but he got over it.

Brennan would hug me frequently to comfort me whilst Derek kept his distance. Both boys became reserved and withdrawn.

How many surgeries did you go through?

Two months after diagnosis, I was wheeled into theatre to have the lump as well as three nodes removed. A second surgery was done to remove more nodes.

After being discharged one of the wounds would not close and I had a relapse. My body was shutting down and I was hospitalised again.

On recovery, a third operation was done to clean the margins by excising. I had five more chemo sessions after the wounds had healed.

Did you go through radiotherapy?

In May 2006, the doctor recommended that I fly to South Africa for radiotheraphy. My friends Emmanuel and Mutheu took care of me during my stay there.

I was fatigued and lethargic but fortunately suffered no pain. It was much more gentle on the body than the chemo.

What emotions were you going through?

I kept battling with despair and depression. One time when I was s sick, I got so sullen that I just wanted to die. I almost committed suicide, but on the night I had planned to do it, my sisters woke up in the night and sent out a text message to friends, asking them to pray for me.

I was unaware of the divine intervention, but it was then that I snapped back and resolved to fight for my life. I could not give up. I thought of the purpose of my life.

I thought of my boys — how I’d have loved to leave them a good legacy and to watch them grow up, graduate and perhaps even marry.

Were your friendships affected during this time?

I chronicled my journey through cancer in a blog and kept my friends abroad and at home informed of what I was going through. My sister Jane would make the entries for me when I was too sick to do it myself.

I dropped friends who were draining me and focused my energies on those that were left as they supported and prayed for me.

The choir at Nairobi Baptist Church organised a concert and raised my support.

My sister Susan organised a fund raising dinner in the US and my employer paid part of the bill. I really could not have made it without them.

How was the recovery process?

After the radiotherapy, I slowly started feeling better. My hair started growing back and with it came a ray of hope. My skin’s lighter shade was restored and the nails and tongue regained their colour. God literally gave me an extreme make-over physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I now spot dreadlocks, a sign of my new life. I lost so much, but cancer also gave me back my self confidence and purpose for living.

I know that I am worth my time here because my life was spared. On July 8 this year, I was declared cancer free.

How has this experience changed your life?

I wake up and enjoy every day. I appreciate life more and am grateful to have one more day to create memories for my sons. Life has become fun and I value family and friends even more. I am living a more purposeful life.

How are you using your pain to help others?

I realised that it is expensive to obtain cancer treatment and established Twakutukuza Trust to raise funds for breast cancer patients who are unable to raise the required funds for treatment.

I partner with an NGO called Reach to Recovery to create breast cancer awareness in rural areas.

Through musical concerts, the Trust raises funds to pay for the very needy cases. I also published my diary notes in a book called Ashes to Beauty, an account of my journey through cancer.

Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

Being in a position to help cancer patients take the journey with dignity especially because I will have sent the boys off to campus.

Advice for anyone dealing with cancer?

You must find a reason to live. Use your pain to help others. You too can rise up and dream again.