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Lifestyle
The "me" space in marriage
By Dayan Masinde | Updated Mar 09, 2020 at 12:52 EAT
the-me-space-in-marriage
An unhappy couple (Photo/Courtesy)
SUMMARY

This is unhealthy because before you are a spouse, you are an individual. You never cease being an individual just because you are married.

Yes, in marriage, two become one, but that doesn't mean you stop being a whole individual.

Most people think that just because you are married, you MUST ALWAYS be with your spouse.

This has led many husbands to be over-possessive and many wives to be paranoid when their spouse is away from them.

This is unhealthy because before you are a spouse, you are an individual. You never cease being an individual just because you are married. You should never lose yourself just because you are married. Yes, in marriage, two become one, but that doesn't mean you stop being a whole individual.

So as you build a life, a family, a future together, allow your spouse to have some "ME" time.

Your spouse will need "ME" time to personally worship God and cultivate a strong relationship with God.

Your spouse will need "ME" time to gather up his/her thoughts and review life.

Your spouse will need "ME" time to be in the room alone and breathe and not be a spouse or a parent.

Your spouse will need "ME" time to sometimes take a walk without you and refresh.

Your spouse will need "ME" time to watch his/her own TV shows or to read because this is stimulating.

Your spouse will need "ME" time to interact and socialise with friends to grow and advance in life because you are not the only one in your spouse's life, provided that those friends are not a threat to your marriage.

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Your spouse will need "ME" time to strategize and pursue purpose because, in as much as you are married, you both have an individual purpose which you will be answerable to God for. Sometimes even you will not fully understand your spouse's calling, and it is OK, provided the calling doesn't break the home.

Your spouse might need "ME" time to travel and vent after a tough year, and even if you do travel together, your spouse might need a few moments alone just to feel the sand, the breeze, the sun, and release burdens.

"ME" time doesn't mean your spouse doesn't enjoy spending time with you. It just means that your spouse occasionally needs to find himself/herself to love you better. A healthy individual makes a healthy spouse.

"ME" time should never exceed time together. Everything should be in moderation. Don't get so used to spending time alone that you two start to drift apart; you start coming to bed late, you don't open up to your spouse. No... "ME" time should be only for a short while.

Lastly, you two will find it easy to give each other "ME" time when there is honesty, transparency, and you two work to make each other secure. When you misbehave, flirt with others, disrespect your spouse; your "ME" time will be seen as a ticket to misbehave. When you show your spouse love and respect, occasional space and silence is not seen as a cause for alarm.

© Dayan Masinde

To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

_______________________

YOU ARE INVITED TO THE MOTO MOTO COUPLE SEMINAR: MOMBASA EDITION

DATE: Saturday, March 21st 2020

VENUE: White Rhino Hotel, Mombasa

TIME: 2:30pm to 6pm.

TOPICS TO DISCUSS: INTIMACY, IN-LAWS, FINANCES, UNITY, COMMUNICATION

CHARGE: 500 ksh per person.

Come with your spouse or come take notes for you and your spouse. To book your spot or for all enquiries call or text 0721590954

SPEAKER: DAYAN MASINDE. Organised by MARRIED & SAVED

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