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To all the wicked single mothers
By Patricia Wambui | Updated Feb 26, 2020 at 14:15 EAT
to-all-the-wicked-single-mothers
A troubled single mother (Photo/Courtesy)
SUMMARY

To all the men out there, some of you are not trash, some of you do want to take care of the baby that you sired.

But some women, it’s high time you learn how to separate yourself from your baby and keep your jealous vices to yourself.

Before a bunch of you gang up on me with the deadly power of the keyboard claiming that you run the world, I will reveal that I am indeed a woman. I have heard your stories of woe and probably comforted you in solidarity though deep inside me, I irked in disgust. We get it; you are a single parent, and your supposed boyfriend/husband ran away from his duties as a father.

We are supposed to feel bad for you because you are burdened by a load of responsibilities while he is out partying. You are the social pariah while he’s in his epitome of youth. We’ve heard it all. While some of the allegations are right, there are indeed dead beat dads out there; some are dead beats by virtue of association, associating with you.

To all the men out there, some of you are not trash, some of you do want to take care of the baby that you sired. But some women, it’s high time you learn how to separate yourself from your baby and keep your jealous vices to yourself.

Dear women, the more you inflate the prices of stuff that you need just to stick it to your man, the more you scare other men from picking their slack. Dear mama, this is not the time to unleash your vengeance on ‘your’ man for choosing the baby and not you.

This is not the time to burn that letter that he wrote or that gift he bought for your child, as stupid as it looks, so you look like the victim of a situation you both consented to.

We understand you got the most out of the societal hatred when you got pregnant without the ring, but I believe that once you get a little understanding, you will know that both of you suffered, just differently. While you were battling with people armored with societal norms, he was battling with his conscience.

So, if the man is willing to support the child and not the total package (you included), allow him to do so. Let him be the dad he wants to be; it will not be perfect, but it will be right. On the flip side, let him slack too, your child is not stupid as we sometimes take them to be. He/she will notice, and you will not be the one calling him dead beat.

Some of you, if we were honest, are not single mothers, you are just unmarried. And that child is not 50% yours and 50% his, he/she is 100% yours and 100% his. So as much as you feel it’s his responsibility, it’s your responsibility too.

So appreciate as he’s trying to fend for you and your kid’s diaper, which cost 2000 shillings a week. If you don’t like what you’re serving, don’t dish it out.

Remember, as much as you will try to hate the idea, your child is not ammunition to get what you want. Some of us go to the extent of denying the child their parental love because he has not done to your bidding. Punda huchoka na akichoka wewe utachoka (a tired donkey tiers the owner).

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One day, the guy will feel it’s not worth it and leave his responsibilities. On that day, even if you shout the chants of a deadbeat, he will not be seen. Woe unto you if your baby daddy was your ‘investment.’

Finally, I will let you know as you justify your bad behavior; no one is more at a loss as the child you are trying to protect. Don’t forget walls have ears. When you conspire with that cyber guy to change the fee structure or with that shopkeeper to rip him off, remember you are hurting another woman, though in that situation is willing to be understanding while at the same time justifying to another man why he shouldn’t take his slack.

Although I am asking for understanding, be firm, don’t let him walk all over you. You deserve a lot of help as child-rearing is not easy. But mambo ya transport money ya 3k ya kuendea chumvi tuwachane nayo pris. This is a new year people, woman up!

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