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No year has ever run out so fast like 2019. From a social media perspective, it looks like it was the toughest year for most people. But here we are.
As the festive season sets in, here are simple rules of engagement for men. Women too can employ borrow them, for their own happiness:
1. Avoid anyone coming from the diaspora. Utilise your time doing better things.
2. If you can afford it, take your family to shags. If you cannot, send your mum and dad some practical Christmas gift and take it easy. January, as usual, is going to be a bad month.
3. Don’t take mobile app loans to buy whiskey or spend on nonsensical stuff.
4. It is okay to stay at home or be strategically busy to avoid unnecessary bar expenses. The country is going through a bad recession.
5. If you have some loose cash, pay rent, school fees and other essential bills. Complaining about January brokenness is too cliché.
6. Don’t go to the coast. There are dozens of other good places. Better still, save and have a ball in January, when everyone is nursing serious money problems.
7. Remember your less-fortunate kinfolk. Don’t spend everything on slay queens and meaninglessly expensive whiskey on guys. There is always an aunt who wiped your bottom, remember to surprise them with a gift.
8. You have not been to church the whole year, at least attend a session and make peace with God.
9. If having Christmas in Nairobi, invite family or a friend over to share the good tidings. However bad the economy is, fundraise and buy some kienyeji chicken for good time’s sake.
10. If by some luck there will be an office party, behave yourself. Don’t drink at the same table as your bosses. Don’t use a drunken excuse to tell the married secretary with a good ass that you love her.
11. In good Christmas cheer, remember the security guards at your residence and workplace. Also, in the bar that you drink, spare two beers for your best waiter or waitress. It means a lot.
12. Be safe. Don’t drink and drive. If you must drink, take a taxi.
13. Whereas it is OK to indulge, eat healthily. Lifestyle diseases are on the rise. Everything should be done in moderation.
14. If you are lonely this Christmas, look for company. If you have no company, enjoy your own company. Just ensure you are not miserable or depressed.
15. Rest. Completely. Avoid work stress, financial stress and other things that trouble your heart. Spend the week after Christmas giving yourself a peace of mind. It is tough, but worth trying.
16. Forgive a family member or a friend who wronged you. Forgive a bad debt if you can. Just call the person and tell them you have written off the debt or favour.
