The Do and Dont’s for a Mpango wa Kando

Mpango wa kandos have gone overboard with their insolence.The law of this jungle dictates that they remain in the woodworks. However,they can't hear any of it. Many have been rubbing their illicit affairs to the chagrin of wives and friend's of wives.

1.Don't be a common slut

You mpangos are known to pick the nguruwe aliyenona.Once you find a rich man,as it's obvious you will, be faithful. Resist the temptation to accept another rich man.Stop bringing one man after another in your house when this man is out of town.We beg you not to make another woman a widow and her children orphans should the married man be shot down at your house.

2.Don't snatch the husband

As a mpango,you are forbidden from snatching a married man from his wife and kids.We know you are secretly wishing that he divorces his wife.If you do,a heavy stone will be tied around your well toned neck,then you will be thrown into the Indian ocean.

3.Stop exposing the wife's weakness or lack thereof

Don't go before a group of 120,000 women and spew your venom to a long suffering wife. Don't say she is a bad cook,homemaker and poor in bed which accounts for him coming for you. We all know the man is a fisi and he will dump you one of this days.The wife's weakness has little to do with his conduct.

4.Don't visit a witchdoctor

It's illegal,desparate and very needy to visit a witchdoctor.You shall not ride many miles with a kijana wa mkono to see a witchdoctor.You are advised to relax and just wait for the crumbs from the high marital table to fall on you.

5.Don't call yourself a second wife

Don't assume that because the man has been with you for five years,then you are the second lady. We suspect Karma is kind and this man already has other wives. We,the friends of wives,are very upset when you people lie that you have been legally married.It sucks and it's lowly.

6. Don't engage in online catfight with the wife

It's airing dirty, tattered and smelly polygamous linen before all. Don't post photos of yourself in "nguo za safari" in a bid to compete.Don't  insult, threaten and gloat about your relationship with the man.Relax,you are just a mpango.Your forty days are numbered.

7.Leave nude photos to socialites

This is a new one my people. We are used to seeing semi-nudes and nudes from wannabe socialites. Please MWK, stop taking nudes in a bid to make the wife insanely jealous and insecure.

8.Make the enemy of your rival your bosom buddy

Ensure that you are bosom friends with your rivals enemy.This will help you fight her better, since that's what you mpangos like.

9.Don't call the wife or man at wee hours

You are a nobody compared to the wife. Don't answer the man's phone when the wife calls. You should forever be invisible. Stop attention seeking theatrics. It's common knowledge that you should give that poor man time with his wife. Don't and I repeat,don't call that man at ungodly hours.

10.You can't get away with murder

Don't  hire thugs to kill the married man so that you inherit his property in your name.Don't poison the wife,her children or her pets. This will earn you a place at Langata women's prison.