The English Premier League season kicks off this weekend and ends some time in mid next year. During this period, tens of Kenyans might hang themselves after losing their money to betting; while hundreds, or even thousands, will face auctioneers on different scales after staking all their fortunes on perennial disappointing teams like Arsenal and Chelsea.
Apart from the loss of lives and property, some Arsenal fans may also hug the ropes after losing to smaller teams like Middleborough and Swansea. The 'Team ya Baba' loudmouths will start demanding that 'Arsene Wenger Must Go' after going down to Everton, but will change the tune to 'In Wenger We Trust' after beating Manchester United in the following fixture.
This is going to be the most boring season to many Kenyan football fans who do not support Liverpool and Manchester City because once again they are going to fight it out for the title the way it was a couple of seasons ago.
With Jurgen Klopp and Pep Guardiola screaming their lungs out from their respective dug-outs, the two most energetic and enthusiastic managers will push their teams to the summit of the EPL as the defending champions, Leicester City, will once again be fighting relegation. In fact, it will be the worst performance by a team that won the league in the preceding season. The current record is held by Chelsea.
Manchester United will be a distant third and they will be in danger of missing out on a Champions League place once again as the likes of Totten Ham Hotspurs and West Ham will be breathing fire on Jose Mourinho's neck.
As usual, Sir Alex Ferguson will be chewing some gum in the stands as he witnesses the level of mediocrity that his and Howard Webb's 'Glorious United' have slid to despite making marquee signings.
With all the six Champions League and Europa League slots gone to Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, Totten Ham Hotspurs , West Ham and Arsenal, Roman Abramovic will be dialing Mourinho's number as he shall have kicked out Conte without lining up a worthy replacement in time.
In the background, there will be the monotonous chorus of 'next season we will lift all the cups' from the Emirates Stadium.
Oh, and before I forget, there will be winners of the many jackpots from the betting firms and some of them who had miserable lives before becoming millionaires will have their past wives, baby mamas and girlfriends surfacing from the clouds hoping to be taken back.
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