Eugene Wamalwa brings home his brothers 'ghost' from London

While Tinga and William Ruto were exchanging notes about who owes sugar and who licked sugar, a powerful delegation of the Baengele clan gathered in London.

The clan, which included Jabali, the Obama of Kitale, were doing khulotia, a ritual so serious that Dr Mukhisa Kutuyi flew in straight from New York.

You see, among the Bukusu, when one dies away from home, and the dust has settled, and the tears have run dry, relatives go to the scene where their kinsman passed on to ‘arrest’ the ghost and take it back home, where it belongs.

Now, those of a certain age will remember how the death of Vice President Wamalwa Kijana in London was so gut-wrenching that it sent the aloof Mwai Kibaki teary and helpless. Unfortunately, because of this and that, Wamalwa’s ghost has been wandering in the London subway since.

So, picture Water Minister Eugene Wamalwa, Wamalwa’s widow Yvonne and former Cabinet Minister Musikari Kombo arriving at the British Embassy to process a visa.

“And what, if I may ask, is the purpose of your visit?” goes the snooty embassy official.

Eugene, the lawyer, could have launched into a rendition of his late brother’s Queen’s English, then discovered the matter at hand was so weighty that to elucidate it in what Jomo Kenyatta called a foreign and colonialist language, would be offensive enough to summon the wrath of departed Baengele ancestors.

“Nono wase, efwefwe khwenya kucha khulotia Wamalwa (we want to go and bring Wamalwa’s spirit),” he must have answered, the trademark grin lighting his boyish face.

Given that the Brits have drawn flak for denying Kenyans visas on what haters describe as extremely flimsy grounds, khulosia must have made lots of sense to the visa clerk! And so, it came to pass that the Baengele trooped to London.

My sources say they were supposed to slaughter a ram, but let us not push it. London is not Dagoretti Corner! I am also made to understand that they should have scooped a chunk of soil from London and flown it home to Kitale. I am not sure if the people at the Kenya Plant Health Inspectorate Service (Kephis) allowed them to smuggle the soil through JKIA, though.

But I know that would have made General Dedan Kimathi smile in his grave because he fought the Brits for stealing our land. That symbolic gesture of Baengele ‘stealing’ the land of the British would surely have warmed his old bones.

Of course many wazungu would think we are uncivilised and bonkers because of this khulotia thing. But that’s why we Africans rarely get depressed when we lose those we love. These little rituals psychiatrists have never heard of give us a sense of closure, make us come to terms with our loss and help us move on. I know in my heart that Wamalwa’s widow, Yvonne, is now at peace.

Sadly, three Kikuyu presidents on, Dedan Kimathi’s spririt still wanders forlornly at Kamiti Prison. If my in-laws don’t want to khulotia the Field Marshal, then let the Baengele do it so that his widow, Mama Mukami, can be at peace.