Ten types of people you will find in every church

Church has commanded respect and authority in Kenya for decades save for some cases of exploitation. Faithfuls observe the Sabbath day with respect. Attending church services to praise their maker.

Sunday for Christians is a holy day. The best attire is spared for the day.

However, in church, faithfuls are not on the same mission. There are some characters out to accomplish some other agendas. Sample these;

 

1.     Righteous ones

These are the devoted believers. They go to church to thank God and seek blessings.

They are the few who remember the country in prayers as we fan embers of political, social and tribal animosity. They walk on the path of righteousness. Those who cannot give a bribe.

2.     Team mafisi

The skirt-chasers have representatives in the house of the Lord. He pretends to be a staunch faithful but his mission is to munch the forbidden fruit.

You find him in the choir. He is that pianist or guitarist who keeps the church vibrant during the praise and worship. That person you can swear with the Bible is moralist par excellence but his discreet mission is to chew Salome the beautiful soloist.

Once he is done, he disappears into thin air and embarks on a similar mission elsewhere.

They are the reason we have innocent church girls bringing up kids alone.

3.     Forced by the spouse

He/she goes to church to satisfy the desires of the spouse. The majority are men. They go to church still nursing hangovers from the previous night’s boozing spree.

He married a devoted churchwoman but he is a family man and though ni kalewa, he’s brought up his children in a good way.

Many are members of mainstream churches. After church, he meets friends to “toa lock”.

4.     Popularity seekers

In this category, we have politicians. They endear themselves to church to gain political mileage. Those who have not stepped into a church in the last decade become regular goers, oozing words from the Holy book.

They behave like disciples of Jesus but their insincerity is short-term before they return to factory settings.

5.     Love hunters

They should not be confused with mafisi. These ones are genuinely looking for love and they believe the church girl or guy can make a better soulmate.

He or she becomes a churchgoer once he/she spots a target, mostly a damsel giving men sleepless nights.

Ndugu volunteers in the hardest tasks in the church to win her heart and when he is successful, settles down in a memorable wedding.

6.     Music enthusiasts

They go to church because they love the kind of songs or choir there.

You hear them say; “I fell in love with the catholic church because of their songs. They are heart-warming”. Here, we have those who join the choir to learn guitar and piano and then venture into the secular world.

You have heard some secular artists say they nurtured their musical talent in church.

7.     Confused believers

They go to church habitually, and participate in all church activities but they are not sure why they go to church. Simply, they are coerced by the fear of the unknown to be believers.

If you ask her why he goes to church, he says because the Bible says so or because it has been done for centuries.

It is the kind who cannot lead in a word of prayer or some Biblical verses. In church, they are just there like some sculpture.

8.     Self-publicist

The exhibitionist is out to show off the big and insignificant achievements they have made in life. In the village, when their children visit they must drive to the local church and be introduced.

“Huyu ni Nancy na bwanake. Wanaishi Westlands in Nairobi na juzi walinunua nyumba ingine Kileleshwa. Praise the lord.”

When they are in latest kitenge, they seek a slot to address the congregants or sing a verse to be noticed.

9.     Wealth seekers

They know God is the giver and their mission in church is to appease him to bless them with earthly things. Wealth is their sole objective. They hunt for it by all means.

They pray and pray to get money. Some establish churches to milk the vulnerable faithful.

10.  Brainwashed

They are indoctrinated. They perceive their religious leaders as deities.

They do not entertain critique on their ways of worshipping and can commit dangerous stunts on behalf of their priests. They idolise their clerics and dedicate their lives to please them.