Being a mobile billboard is not chic

Recently, after a church service, as the congregation poured out of the sanctuary, I felt like I was exiting a stadium.

Though the “fans” lacked the characteristic frenzy of football devotees, the men’s dressing left little to imagination. A sizeable number was sporting jerseys of English Premier League clubs.

It was a crucial weekend, as two arch-rivals of English football were facing off that evening.

It is always an EPL team’s jersey — LaLiga, Serie A, Ligue1 and Bundesliga merchandise always seem like sort of accessories to trim a crowd’s look.

So, is slipping into your favourite club’s jersey, sometimes with your name or soubriquet emblazoned at the back, for an outing or event that has nothing to do with football or sports and is not being held in a sports bar sloppy, lazy or dozy dressing?

Off the bat, as a man that is, I should find such scornful descriptions rather feminine, but excusable coming from a lot with little appreciation of the adrenalin of the beautiful game, right?

No need to squirm then when you turn up in a noisy Kenyan Premier League club’s jersey for a dinner date? How about we just chalk it to “perennial temporary insanity,” more like falling in love, where nothing matters beside the object of your desire for whom you will spare no expense.

That these men love their clubs to the point of fanaticism is not in doubt. After all, they are clearly willing to offer themselves as free billboards.

But there is that little matter of appropriateness of course, which to some is but just that, a little matter. There is nothing wrong in an outdoorsy or sporty look. Not even in church or for a date. The corniness, I guess, is in the wrong-headed pairing of brands.

Instead of looking like a boldfaced dolt in a Gor Mahia, Manchester United, AFC Leopards or Chelsea jersey at a notable event like the premiere of Furious 7 at Imax, how about you disport bigger brands like Adidas, Vans or Nike instead?

One is greater than the other with verifiable originality that cannot be sold for Sh200 at street corners.

It is why we see nothing wrong with the prominence of brands like Prada, Louis Vuitton or Yves Saint Laurent in some habiliments.

There is a reason why big designer brands like Tommy Hilfiger and Lauren Ralph have dedicated sport coat lines.

Even the extraordinarily theatrical Mario Balotelli and scandalous players like John Terry clean up well for parties and night-outs. Why should you then audaciously show up for romantic or illustrious events with clothing bearing their names, unless you are preparing to take off at the sight of your bill?

The only party that benefits from your love for a football team’s jersey is the club. As for the wearers, it only advertises their loyalty, which is not wrong. Or the convenient need to cover flabby torsos. It has nothing to do with smartness or style, since the enormous car manufacturer logo or an airline’s name is often distracting against the often bright backgrounds.As a matter of fact, the sponsors probably have smarter corporate tees and shirts with just a hint or their logos or pay-off lines.