Ripening the bride to be

At the Coast, brides take marriage counselling seriously. LINAH BENYAWA witnessed a counselling session and reveals why every woman needs it

It is said good things don’t come easy and so is a good bride. It takes time and energy to mould her to become every man’s dream.

her husband," explains the teacher.

The room has many types of lingerie. At the corner there was a small container with several beaded laces, razor blades, white handkerchiefs among other items. These items are used to make her ripe for womanhood.

First, she was told to remove all her clothes and wrap herself with a khanga (lesso). She then sat on the mat all ears to the Kungwi.

"You see this cooking stick and a serving spoon, the former symbolises a husband and the latter the bride. Like these items, the woman must always keep her man and herself clean," she added.

The bride was told that every time a couple makes love, the wife must prepare a bath for her husband and herself.

Sensitive area

After that, the Kungwi took a razor blade and taught the girl how to shave her private area and also how to shave her husband saying it is a sensitive area that can influence a man to make a return trip or vanish. She explained that while shaving, the woman is supposed to utter sweet words to the husband as a way of expressing love, adding that she should always be down to earth, shave tenderly and avoid being rough and hasty.

"Though some girls usually come here while they have already shaved, a virgin bride has to take lessons on shaving. When a man sees that your privates are neat, he will respect you," she said.

She then removed the white handkerchief, unwrapped it and showed her how to cleanse her man immediately after making love adding that the handkerchiefs should always be white.

The cleaning should also be more of a massage, adding that a man needs to be pampered and treated like a child, saying that is what ‘sets them ablaze’.

"This white handkerchief signifies the art of love making. It’s supposed to be on the bed every time the couple goes to sleep. One is advised to have several because it should be cleaned and dried in a hidden place immediately after the event," she explained.

The bride was then given beaded laces. The teacher then tied them on her waist and asked her not to remove them because they increase sex appeal. The Kungwi said the laces are worn in pairs, but one can put on more.

Sensual way

And after tying the laces, she then showed her how to shake her waist, adding the art was everything that a man wanted.

She then demonstrated how to do chakacha dancing in an inviting and sensual way to boost the man’s morale and the woman’s physical appeal.

"I have to teach her how to shake her waist because it’s every man’s dream to have his wife do it well. It makes him go crazy," she added.

She said the laces should be made of white beads and an extra one with red beads to be won when the woman is on monthly periods.

"You don’t have to tell your man that you are menstruating or let him see sanitary towels to prove you are not available for action. We advise wives to wear laces with red beads during that time to caution the husband that the waters have been stirred," said the Kungwi.

The teacher also cautioned the bride to be always attentive to avoid being sent back home if she failed in her duty.

"I have to be careful and teach her everything. But the buck stops with her because she has to be attentive and practise lest she faces the embarrassment of being sent back to her parents. No man wants a lazy wife especially in the bedroom," she said.

Wedding night

The bride, who got married on Saturday, said she wanted the services of the Kungwi to become the best wife.

"In our tradition, we have to go through this to avoid being a failure in marriage," said the bride.

She revealed she had never slept with her boyfriend and she had to be ready for the wedding night.

"Though it is embarrassing to remove all the clothes in front of a stranger and practise every move she shows you, its worth it because I am now aware of what I am supposed to do when I get married," she adds.

Apart from the bedroom etiquette, she was also taught how to welcome and treat her in-laws, house keeping and managing family affairs.

"For one week, there are several things that I am supposed to teach her including cooking sumptuous meals," she added.

The Kungwi has been doing this job for the last ten years and says she enjoys it knowing the lessons have made many marriages succeed. The 50-year-old counsellor has helped brides in Nairobi, Nakuru Lamu, Malindi and even Tanzania.

She has taught many brides after learning from her aunt since she was 15. After Form Four, she went into dressmaking and later engaged in business selling lessos, handbags and other household goods. Marriage counselling is her part time job and a hobby.

But the lessons are not for free. The family of the bride has to pay Sh2,000 and three lessos.

She said that nowadays, most clients are already aware of some bedroom techniques.

"A few years back, brides were very green. They now know a lot due to exposure to movies and pornographic material. But some of that material is quite misleading," she cautioned.

"Although few brides are virgins, some parents find it wise to have their daughters taught to fore-stall trouble while in marriage," she concludes.