Move over death, it’s time for higher glory

By Ted Malanda

These days, no one dies. They don’t pass away or kick the bucket, either. They are just promoted to glory. That’s why the pastor tells you not to wail at your loss but to bless ‘Ga-aad’ for "although we loved the departed, God loved him more".

Thus, death is particularly easy to bear when the fallen is a servant of God. After all, their place is often reserved at the Lord’s Table, on the right hand side to be precise, unlike drunkards who fall into the gutter and straight into hell.

And so it came to pass that two shepherds of the Kingdom Seekers Fellowship in Nakuru were called by the Lord in a fatal motor vehicle accident recently. It wasn’t really an accident because as we know, everything in our lives is pre-planned to the minutest detail.

One therefore imagines that the two shepherds prayed to the almighty before they begun their journey, saying: "Lord of Isaac and Jacob, we commit this journey unto you, for this contraption that we drive was made by the hand of man and you know how shaky his hand is.

"Lord, even the road upon which the same contraption will drive was also made by man — mostly corrupt people, hence its countless potholes. "Father, I needn’t say anything about other drivers on the road because even you get exasperated by their madness and stupidity.

"Now we hasten away, Father, confident, oh Lord, that your mighty hand is upon us, for you know how much of your work remains undone. In the name of Jee-suh-us!"

New development

Unknown to them, however, God was in deep thought, trying to come to terms with the curious activities of an outfit called Finger of God.

‘Finger?’ he chuckled, wondering what other part of His anatomy would find its way into a church name.

Nonetheless, he reached for his laptop, found the right database and keyed in their names. He was just about to press ‘enter’ and log in their prayer for a safe journey when he noticed that their accounts were due to expire in an hour.

As usual, it didn’t sound prudent to let the prayerful men know that their time was up. So God reached within his robes and whipped out his mobile. "St Peter?" He thundered.

"Expect two guys. Make the necessary arrangements, pronto."

Not being privy to the ‘new development’, the shepherds happily got into their car and sped off. In a short while, however, they banged into a truck. It was written.

Days later, God was strolling about and cringing at what a mess we’ve made of Lake of Naivasha when he espied Kingdom Seekers creating a holy circus around two caskets in a bid to resurrect their two pastors.

Little lines

"Ha!’ He chuckled, with a twirl of the beard.

"After all their countless keshas and Bible studies, you would think they would know that little line that goes, ‘thou shall not tempt God your Lord’!"

And so it came to pass that the two shepherds found fellowship in the kingdom that they had fervently sought. Somebody say "Amen!"