Nine months of heaven or hell

By Peter Oduor

She is a cheerful sweet talking angel one second and a fire spitting, brooding alien from Venus the next. This is not a chameleon from outer space but rather describes the disposition of an expectant woman.

She blows hot and cold with every passing moment.

The faces of an expectant woman are as unpredictable as the motion of a leaf on a tree. The changes that women go through during pregnancy are numerous. What you see: A bulging belly, loose light dresses, morning sickness and saliva spat copiously. What you don’t see: Hormonal changes that in some women creates an imbalance that leads to serious behavioural changes, mercurial mood swings and unpredictable temperament.

Shivers down the spine

But married men know it and their hearts tremble with joy and trepidation when they hear the words, "Honey, we are going to have a baby."

Andrew, who is in his early 20s, has a pet name that only his father uses during their light moments. Mtu wa kuku (Chicken man). Inquiring from his father why the funny name, he got a grin that had the promise of a ‘long story’ written on it.

When Andrew’s mother was pregnant with him, she developed an inexplicable craving for chicken, especially fried chicken.

"I had to buy chicken every evening on my way home," he father recalled. "She just couldn’t do without it. When the chicken budget started getting exhausted, I figured I could cut it down to maybe five days a week. But that was never to be. The night I went home without chicken was a wordy night in my house. I realised she could talk, and not just talk, quarrel."

One day he could take it no more and was forced to drive out at midnight to get one. The chicken mania disappeared when she gave birth to Andrew.

Strange feeding habits

At various stages of their pregnancy, women acquire strange feeding habits. They over indulge in certain types of foods especially eggs, chicken, chips, oranges and for some, non-alcoholic drinks. All these come at a great financial cost. Village women go for specific traditional delicacies (most of which are rare and difficult to find) like anthill mushrooms. Whenever they set their mind on something, wild horse would not change their minds. It matters little that some of these things have been extinct since the 1930s. Others will crave certain types of rocks and leaves only known to their fellow women. For example, some will insist on odowa (a kind of rock) that is common at the shores of Lake Victoria. Woe unto you if no one is travelling to the lake.

On the other hand, certain types of food are hated with equal passion. When they see such food, they get angry, vomit, yell or curse till they run out of words.

For everyone in the house, the diet will be according to the whims of the lady of the house. If one of the hated foods happens to be your favourite, you will be forced to frequent restaurants.

Mary Muthoni says that she loved her husband even more when she got her first pregnancy. She wanted to do everything for him. She washed his clothes, pressed them, arranged his study table and even took off his coat for him when he came home from work. That is not how she had treated him before. She felt compelled to do so.

Shifting emotions

The nurse, who is a mother of two, confides to this reporter: "During those nine months, my libido was incredibly high. We had sex with my husband till the sixth month. We only changed positions to the safe ones and had our fun."

That contrasts sharply with Norman Omollo’s experience. The man from Uyoma, Rarieda District, could not understand his pregnant wife. He recalls those times with the accuracy of a surgeon and with a smile on his lips. The first two months were hell. His wife could not stand his face. When he was around, she would be quiet, sulk and eventually embark on a verbal rampage. If it was not this then it was that. As far as she was concerned there was always a reason for a fight.

His house became like a mismanaged hotel kitchen; chaotic, hot and unbearable. He could not stand her bickering and barking. He avoided his house and sought solace with his friends. Sleep was probably the only reason he went back there. And he got it in small doses, punctuated by unexplained tears and torrents of words. "She became worse and on the third month, she went back to their home where she stayed till delivery, after which she came back. The love I got when she came back is comparable only to the one I got during courtship," he recalls with a chuckle.

Trying moments

With pregnancy come three overriding emotions from the woman. One is the normal attitude where she feels no loss or increase in love towards the husband. Everything stays like it was before. Two, is where the wife loves the husband more than before. She serves, adores him and does not want him out of her sight. The third one is a temporary dislike. The husband’s face turns her off completely. Like a dirty rag she can’t stand him around and will use any tool (not physical) at her disposal to ensure that he stays out of her way. She will sulk, be petty, pick quarrels and in extreme cases go to another place where she will stay till she gives birth.

When it comes to intimacy, some men are forced to go on a sex fast by their wives. Once the woman senses a bulge in her tummy, sex becomes an abomination. "Can’t you see I’m pregnant," the man is told whenever he seeks intimacy. This might go on for even five or six months after she has given birth. This can be a trying period considering that most men can’t wait that long.

Linda is expecting her first child in a few weeks’ time. Her live-in boyfriend has suspended the use of his deodorant and perfume, which she recommended in the first place. The boyfriend, Jones Mwengea vividly remembers the day she walked into the house, took all her beauty paraphernalia from lipstick to spray and dumped them into the wastebasket.

The only thing she left was a certain type of soap and jelly. "Now we only use this soap and jelly," he says. "Linda behaves strangely when I do otherwise. She vomits and sometimes sneezes. It is funny to see her apply the jelly on the soles of her feet only. It is too hard for me, I can’t even use my aftershave without her vomiting," whines Jones.

Linda says she just hates the smell of "those bathroom things". Added to her list of nasty smells that make her frantic is the smell spices and frying chapati.

"I hate them and the worst thing is that every place except my house smells like that!" Her boyfriend is forced to forget about spices for the time being.

She is not alone in this smelly business. A number of expectant women have banned certain types of oils, spices and even air fresheners that were used in the house before. A woman who has requested to remain anonymous says she struggled to go through the trying nine months. She was repelled by the colour red and had to change her bedding because they smelt ‘nasty’.

Extreme sensitivity

"When I fell pregnant, my sheets and bed cover suddenly had a ‘nasty’ smell. I changed them. Then I realised that every time I was in anything red, I felt strangely uncomfortable." From the look on face, red must have been a real bother.

She says with time she kept away all her red clothes, which she only brought out after giving birth. If there was anyone in red close to her, she always had to leave that room unless it was completely unavoidable.

Whatever the scientific or philosophical explanations for the changes that women undergo during pregnancy, they certainly are not in favour of men. Call it nine months of hell or whatever you will want but be ready to face it when the time comes.