Funeral bonanza for man and beast

By Arthur Mahasi

People in western Kenya always pray that a death tragedy does not strike them soon — for reasons other than the universal ones.

If a sociologist were to write a book on human behaviour at funerals in the region, it would be a best seller. When the first news of death are announced, family members of the deceased will be seen wailing and rushing into their houses to hide their valuables ranging from utensils, food, linen, electronic gadgets to furniture and even table covers before the crowd of mourners gather.

Many people will visit the bereaved family not to console them but to take advantage of the tragedy to loot whatever they can find in the home.

Women arrive wailing with babies strapped on their backs and lessos tied around the waist. The lessos are later used to pilfer stolen food and utensils from the home.

Chicken stew

Religious leaders arrive to draft the funeral programme and pray for the bereaved family. They demand to be served with expensive meals, some they cannot afford in their own homes.

Their demands include chicken stew or beef with ugali, rice and buttered bread with tea. If the village is unfortunate to have two funerals presided over by the same pastor, he will insist that the two families agree on two different burial dates because he has to conduct the burial ceremony personally. Not surprisingly, each family will be expected to pay for his services. He does not delegate one function to his deputy.

Some religious sects have prohibited burial services on Sundays because the pastor must be in church to collect the day’s offerings before proceeding to the burial site on Monday.

This greatly inconveniences working people who might have wished to attend the burial at the weekend, allowing them time to be in the office on Monday.

Then there are the idlers, who must visit every funeral in rotation in search of food. Neighbours will arrive to pitch tent at the home of the bereaved. The women will come with hidden paper bags in which to carry food back home. This is the food that was meant to feed mourners who have travelled from far.

Mad men and women

They will initially carry out a survey to establish the mode of serving food. If it is by cafeteria, they will bring three or four of their offspring all of whom must queue with a plate in hand.

When all have been served, the food is quickly emptied into the paper bags and taken home as the ‘agents’ rejoin the queue.

These people have perfected their art so that they easily hop from one funeral to another doing the same thing.

Of all the mourners, it is the mad men and women who are the most baffling. These people travel long distances on foot. They appear at every funeral in the area. They are scantily dressed. They sleep in biting cold and are feasted upon by multitudes of mosquitoes yet hardly fall ill.

They must have a sixth sense to know where all the latest funerals are. On arrival their insanity is temporarily suspended as they can be observed in full control of their faculties patrolling and parading near the kitchen where the food is prepared.

Come night and a new crop of clowns take centre stage. Some religious groups arrive beating drums menacingly. Youths arrive to dance to disco music and African drum beats using crude musical instruments.

Nobody in the vicinity will sleep because of the noise. At midnight they are served with tea and githeri (maize and beans) to keep them warm. After eating, some melt away in the darkness with stolen utensils.

Chang’aa is ferried in 20-litre containers and sold in the dark corners of the home while rolls of bhang are openly sold to zombies on site. Petty thieves arrive in their droves, relieving tired moarners of their mobile phones and money. The more daring thieves move into the cattle shed taking advantage of the confusion in the home and drive away the only livestock in the home. They disappear in the darkness never to be seen again.

Incidentally, the idlers do not volunteer to do any work at the bereaved home. Theirs is only to eat and steal. Women who fetch water from the river, wood splitters and even gravediggers have to be paid by the bereaved family.

In Nairobi a new crop of coffin hunters has emerged. They buy the daily newspapers and read the obituary pages. Woe unto the families who buy large spaces with colour photographs of the deceased, as they become instant targets.

Rural home

The conmen attend all funeral preparation meetings using information gathered from the obituary pages. They strategise on how to attack. They identify who keeps the harambee contribution money and trail the convoy before blocking and robbing the relatives of their money and other valuables.

If the coffin is made of expensive material, they trail and accompany the funeral convoy to the rural home of the deceased. After burial, they exhume the body at night, undress the corpse of the expensive clothes and take away the coffin back to Nairobi to be cleaned and sold to another client. They leave the naked body on the ground for dogs to eat.

Such cases have been reported at Lang’ata cemetery, in Kisii, Siaya and Busia. It is not uncommon for one coffin to bury five different people.

Animals are not left out of the funeral extravaganza. Due to their enhanced sense of smell, cats and dogs travel long distances following the smell of slaughtered animals and waste food.

Many will be seen munching waste food and having fun. Even wildlife takes part in the funeral festival without being noticed by moarners. Birds like marabou storks, African kites, crows, sparrows, weaver birds and fire finches will be seen perched on nearby trees and bushes and occasionally swooping down for food leftovers to take to their waiting hungry chicks in the nest.

Insects like ants will be seen dragging small pieces of food to store in their nests for a rainy day.

In this way, many homes have been stripped bare and left shells after the burial of a loved one.