The local: When onywaji causes a hangover and a kanundu in your forehead

Drinking onywaji like it’s a death wish has unintended consequences and that does not include red eyes, a splitting headache and smelling like the Ruai sewerage.

Like Kang’ethe the ‘old metal’, you can drink and have absolutely no clue where the kanundu on your forehead, on a face resembling the lunar surface, came from.

You can’t remember falling down or knocking on walls with your mango head, but the nundu is the size of that knob at the tip of a Maasai rungu.

Kang’ethe tried rubbing Rob ointment on it but “ili washa ni kama nimeweka turpentine kwa kidonda” said Kang’ethe who tried kufunika the nundu with his cap but it felt like trying to wrap the Nyayo Monument with a handkerchief.

Diameter, the political analyst, is another one who wakes up with aching knees although he can’t recall falling down after knocking down 50 bottles of ‘Tabitha’ as he calls ‘Simiti’ lager from Keroche Breweries.

And while he can explain the pain on his ribs as the result of sleeping on one side at the long sofa, he can’t fathom why his mgongo pains like it had been hit with a nine by nine building stone from Gituamba quarry.

Kot-Kot, who has made a comeback after settling his mutura and thufu deni with Waka-Knife the butcher, has also on many drinking occasions woken with one eye resembling the inside of a watermelon while the other ime fura kama mandazi za Burma market.

Kot-Kot does not remember fighting anyone and has no clue why his eyes resemble those of a boxer who lost a heavy weight bout.

Sister Lucy, who gave birth to a daughter through ‘Kiserian Section’ on the other, hand loses her voice and attempting to talk only ends up making her howling sound like a speaker being tested inside a pot of boiling githeri.

Too much veve and Blue Moon in a cold night could be the reason, but what explains Nyambu reporting to the local with a sprained ankle and has to walk like one leg-or butt-is shorter than the other?

The counter girl can hardly recall twisting her leg in any extra curricula activities including ‘kurarua mashuka’ at Raha Yangu Bar and Lodging.