Flashback Friday: How celebs go from grace to grass

2010 is just six years ago. But in Celebville, 28 days is a lifespan.

Well, if you’re wondering, 28 days is the time it takes for a housefly to go from doing its sh*t, to dead on sh*t. And that’s the same thing that can happen in Celebville.

Let’s check out “Overheard” column in the Pulse of December 10, 2010. Let’s talk about the celeb who was the sh*t around this time.

His song was about this chick he was crazy about. And he was telling haters – in that Bongo Kiswahili that we love, interspersed with slang – that their attempts to kill their love were water off a duck’s back.

And before “fisi” became slang for man-hoes, this dude was one of the first musicians to drop it in a verse: “Baby, usiwe na pupa/Usiwe kama fisi unataka mfupa”.

Who am I talking about? Seif Shaban, aka Matonya. The crooner from Bongo who gave us the hit, “Vaileti”.

The beefy musician with chubby cheeks, who, in interviews, came off as a humble dude.
Speaking of which, Matonya came from a humble background.

It seemed like he had stumbled into Celebville. In a TV interview, he said that, before he blew up the scene, he was selling car tyres in an open-air bazaar.

“Vaileti” became East Africa’s love anthem. Matonya’s saccharine voice and laidback personality serenaded ladies all over the region.

 And in an industry that nowadays almost strictly features light-skinned babes in music videos – which thinks that only chicks with a certain type of skin tone can sell their music – Matonya went with this chocolate beauty, who sold the video from Dar to Daadab.

The video’s bathroom scene was tastefully done, and I’m told Ezekiel Mutua still watches it with a big appreciative grin.

But with fame come trappings ... and traps.

“After an outstanding performance at the Tusker Project Fame (TPF4) grand finale, “Vaileti” singer Matonya went ahead to check Nairobi’s finest joints,” Pulse reported.

“The singer had one too many. A drunken Matonya showed up at Club Click in the company of a plus-size girl.

The two, who had checked into the club shortly after midnight looking cosy, made an exit barely ten minutes later only to reappear after 20 minutes looking worn out.

And when morning came, the short romantic stint was over.”

Guys, that’s how – slowly, surely and sadly – you turn a career that was supposed to span two dream decades into a quickie: by losing a grip on your morals, image, A-list status, schlong and studio time.

Matonya tried coming back with “Anita”. But East Africans could not get over their first love, “Vaileti”.

Just a thought: Maybe Matonya needed a name-change. Like Diamond added “Platnumz” to his stage name, and often drops the aka, “Dangote”. Both handles talk about affluence.

What’s a name got to do with it? Hell, plenty. Matonya once said that he nicked his stage name from a beggar in his ‘hood.